HOLLA ON THE GO: I don’t know very well how to write this…

Hi,
I don’t know very well how to write this. A new guy started at work and since day one he has been addressing to me with inappropriate comments and gestures. He objectifies me constantly, talks only about my body and interrupts me every time I speak. Last week he tried to gave me an unsolicited massage and despite I refused he kept doing it. We were alone at the office and I couldn’t get away from him, and I got scared so I ended up letting him do it. I refused him many times and now he is just angry and has moments of bullying me and treating me badly, or just ignoring me or doing a silent treatment.

I talked about it to a male friend at work (I work at a tech company and I’m the only female). He got outraged and with good intentions talked to HR although I asked him not to do anything about it because I needed time to figure it out on my own. He said he knew somebody had been harassed at our office (when it’s clear that I’m the only woman there). I feel my right for privacy has been violated too now. I am scared now that HR will start a manhunt now and start targeting people. I feel very stressed because I’m not ready to report it yet. Also, last week I also had a consensual affair with another coworker (someone I really like), and I’m worried that he will be the first target when I would have liked to not have to explain anything to anyone. I am not sure HR knows we are seeing each other occasionally, although it seems some rumours are spreading. I think it’s nobody’s business, but at the same time I feel I need to protect him in case they start a manhunt. I also feel that would be at the expense of my own privacy and right to report when I feel ready to.

I talked to some of the girls I know in a group and they slut-shamed me or didn’t respond although I made a huge effort to explain it. I felt really bad after that. Now I feel alone and guilty and I shut down. What can I do? I need guidance. Thanks.

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