HOLLA ON THE GO: “When I was 13…”
When I was 13, I started smoking weed (illegally). I wanted some sense of happiness, being diagnosed with depression was difficult for me, as it is anyone. At one point, I owed this guy a lot of money and I needed to get it somehow. I asked my stepbrother, who I knew smoked as well, for $20. He laughed and said, “Sure, only if you suck my dick.” I was a desperate 13-year-old with no idea what to do, so I did. That part, while disgusting, was consensual. However, when he continued to pin me up against the wall and feel me up, I felt disgusting and violated and I hated myself. I told him to stop, but he just laughed as if I was telling a joke. I attempted suicide shortly after. I’m on my way to healing, and it’s hard. There used to be nights that I would scrub so hard in the shower that I’d bleed. I never told my mama because it was her stepson and her husband is manipulative, surely he’d manipulate my mama to thinking that her stepson was right and I wasn’t. I just want people to know that it’s okay to ask for help. It was really hard for me, but I’m glad that I have.