I’m not a fetish, and I don’t exist for your amusement.

I was riding the train with my then-partner on the way to see a movie in town, when this happened. As we boarded the train, a conductor went up to these four kids, and warned them for disruptive behaviour. My partner and I took seats near them (which looking back seems like the first mistake) and settled for the short journey. We were sitting talking, and randomly poking each other, which is usual for us, and the four kids continued shouting and messing around.

One of the girls sat behind us and asked my partner for some gum. She said she didn’t have any, though the girl remained where she sat. She then asked if we were together. My partner and I, having nothing to hide or be ashamed of, replied that we were. The one boy in the group asked if we were in love, and my partner replied the affirmative.

It descended from there. The boy joined the girl behind us and kept asking for us to kiss for him. He kept pushing, and nearly begging for us to. My partner replied no, first jokingly, and then she eventually snapped “If you want to see two girls kissing, watch porn!”.

He whined that he had seen porn and he wanted to see it in real life – I continued to remain silent. The coach we were in was not nearly empty, and I was somewhat horrified that no one had thought to do anything but look away awkwardly. Thankfully, the next stop was ours. We stood, and I followed my partner to the door. The group followed us, and as we were waiting, they kept pushing on each other, and therefore me. Once the doors opened, a lot of people got out, while this group practically pushed me off the train. My partner took my hand and while I set off at a fast pace to get away, she slowed me down.

The boy continued to follow us, and kept on with his incessant begging. My partner and I ignored him, and spoke only to each other, until he peeled off to join the girls of his group. We were left alone after that.

I am ashamed that I didn’t speak up, and that my partner was the one to deal with this harassment. I remember this incident clearly, and feel scared by it, but it was almost laughable how this boy was clearly obsessed about seeing us kiss.

Get it through your heads – we do not exist for your amusement. We are not objects to stare at, or to entertain yourself with. We are humans, with hearts and souls and feelings, and I will not be dehumanised by your fetishisms. I refuse.

Submitted by Emma

2 responses to “I’m not a fetish, and I don’t exist for your amusement.

  1. Wow. I am so sorry that you had to deal with this. Mainstream porn grosses me out SO much, and mainly because of this exact reason. I do not understand the straight male obsession with lesbianism, like AT ALL, and can only conclude that it has to do with power trips and a really sick sort of dehumanization. This should never, ever happen. You have the right to love whoever you damn well please and people who don’t get this should be shipped off to Mars. My most sincere sympathies.

  2. Hey sophiecolette, I don’t think it’s about a power trip necessarily. I know a lot of folks into slash fic – including the type that has explicit sexual encounters between two men – and they don’t strike me as the dehumanizing type. I mean I’m a guy, and they’ve all been absolutely wonderful friends, and I never once got the impression that they saw men as beneath them in any way. I think it *could* be about the things you mentioned, but I think for some hetero people it’s as simple as “two people of the opposite sex is hotter than one person of the opposite sex”.

    To me it’s about how this boy didn’t see Emma and her partner as people in the first place. Unfortunately I think it’s a vicious circle – being gay has stigma, people hide their sexuality to avoid the stigma (understandable imo), and a lot of straight folks go around thinking they’ve never/rarely met someone LGBT. Seeing a person as a novelty instead of an individual seems to crop up a lot; just ask a black person how they feel about strangers asking to touch their hair. =P

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