After only one stop I looked up from a rousing game on my phone to see that you appeared to be in great pain because your face was contorted. Upon second glance I noticed the problem..Your penis was trying to escape from your pants!
Clearly it had found its’ way through your zipper (I can only imagine the pain that caused) and wiggled away from your grasp. In fact, it was already making a break for it! I saw it hiding behind your man-purse where no one could see but me. You struggled to grip it in your hand very tightly in what must have been a valiant effort to contain the beast, every time you pulled it back a little it would escape further and with more force. I admire you, it’s not easy – I’m a woman and I know those things can be hard to handle. Still, I was shocked. The penises I’ve come in contact with were always much more domesticated and happy with their owners – is yours unhappy with you?
Maybe you were pleading with me for help, because you were staring at me quite intently. I met your eyes and while I wanted to speak – to cry out and tell everyone of the trouble you were having – I had no words. However, a picture is worth a thousand words and so I thought I would snap one on my phone so I could warn the world of your unruly penis.
Your penis must be camera shy because once it realized a picture had been taken it receded to the safety of your slacks once again and you quickly ran off the train at Atlantic Street/Pacific Ave- no doubt to go discipline it – or maybe to go to a hospital and have it drugged. I don’t really know.
Reposted from Gawker and Craigslist