Wish I Could Go Back

When I was sixteen, I was extremely shy and definitely not nearly as loud as I should’ve been when needed be. After a day of Chinatowning, my friend Vanessa and I were heading home on the subway. She walked ahead of me further down the stairs and I took my sweet time. I remember because I was wearing boots and couldn’t jog down as fast as her. I looked up and I saw this guy smiling at me. I didn’t think anything of it so I smiled back and looked away, because the more he smiled the more it creeped me out. He stopped walking and I went past him, thinking absolutely nothing of it because for the most part he seemed like just a plain ol’ friendly guy. I also had very little self esteem at the time and it hadn’t even crossed my mind for a second that this guy could be “checking me out”.

Well anyway, we made it inside the subway car and I sat down next to her. A moment later, that same guy sat down on the seats next to me. They were facing toward my seat, as my own were against the car wall, facing the opposite side. He said “hi”, and I didn’t answer because I was a little too freaked out that he still had that same smile. Then he edged slightly away from his seat and started to rub my leg. Vanessa didn’t see it, and I didn’t know what to do at all. I just stared at his hand, dumbfounded, wide eyes, scared as hell. Then he started rubbing his knee up and down my leg. I was wearing a skirt, a long black one, and he made it ride up to my knee. As soon as we reached our stop Vanessa and I got up and I bolted for the door. I turned around and he was following us, so I grabbed her hand and made a dash for it. She ran with me without asking questions thinking I was joking around, and we ran up the stairs until we made it back out onto the street and I couldn’t see him anymore.

Thinking about this now, I wish I could just go back there and scream “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? GET THE FUCK OFF HER, SHE DOESN’T WANT YOU TOUCHING HER YOU SICK, SICK FUCK!”. Sometimes when I’m walking in the subway, I wish I could see that guy (this was only two years ago) and just punch him in the face. I hate him so much.

Submitted by Kitty

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