Nonverbal Harassment, Story, Verbal

Dee’s Story: A few experiences

There are too many, sadly, to report here but I’ll relay few of them: There was one good ol’ boy who was somehow in LA and when I walked by said “Mmmmmm, I’d LOVE to have you between my sheets!” One old man asked me “Would you be willing to model nude for me?” An elderly man was walking toward me on the sidewalk and when I smiled respectfully at the old fella, he leered back with “Mamacita!” (I do not dress provocatively.)

As has been mentioned before, I have often experienced first hand that a man can go from hitting on you to insulting you within seconds if you don’t play his game. It is frightening.

The stupidest comment was one time I had cut my hand badly on a broken glass while washing dishes. I was waiting outside on the sidewalk for a friend to come drive me to the hospital; the towel around my hand was growing increasingly heavier with blood. Two young guys walked by me and one of them said pseudo-suavely “Hello, beautiful”. When I looked away, painfully cradling my gushing hand, he lashed back with “Beauty is as beauty does” with a harsh tone despite the corny cliche. A woman can’t even be injured in peace!!!

Then there’s the bus driver who wouldn’t let me out of the bus until I gave him a kiss. It was bad enough but thank Heaven, not as bad as that could’ve been.

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Story, Verbal

Carol’s Story: Finding her way to take control

In my 20’s and 30’s I was regularly subjected to verbal harassment on the street, inside shopping malls, and basically in public places. Eventually I carried what appeared to be small business cards (which I bought at a NOW convention). I would turn and smile at the harasser and give him a card, which he inevitably assumed contained my phone number. Instead it said, “You have just insulted a woman. This card has been chemically treated. In 3 days, your prick will fall off.” It was my way of taking control.

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Stalking, Story, Verbal, youth

Nikki’s Story: Harassed for a lifetime

watching the video reminds me of what I go through everyday of my life since I was 13 years old. I have had men grab my arm, one man crashed his car just to say vulgar things or try to talk to me. I have had notes left on my car that I was being followed, I even got attacked by a cable guy installing cable once who then decided to move into my complex to watch me everyday. I am 40 now and even as I write this story by 8:30 am today I already got 3 cat calls from the gas station to walking into my building at work. It’s literally everyday. I hate to see what the count is when I go out at lunch. I had a scary incident recently where I had a stalker and he actually came up to me and said “hey during sex do you like to be tied up and choked?” I mean really!!! everyday he was in my parking lot at work, security had to get involved. I lost a good girlfriend because of her husband’s advances. I try my best to ignore it and watching that video just makes me see I am not the only one that goes through this everyday of my life!

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Story, Verbal

KRJ’s Story: A bystander finds their voice

About a month ago I saw a substitute Street Sense guy really getting in this woman’s business near my Metro station. He followed her for a half a block, telling her she was pretty and just needed to smile.

It’s been eating me that not only did no one say something, I didn’t say anything either.

Today, I saw the same guy start the same routine with another woman. So I got his attention and said in a loud voice, “That woman doesn’t owe you a smile.”

I reported him to the company too. I don’t have a lot of hope that this guy will necessarily stop, but I hope that any of the dozen or so people who saw me get loud will remember for next time that street harassment stops with them.

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Story, Verbal

Katherine’s Story: Harassment as one man’s amusement

There was a man harassing women on the street yesterday and getting a sick sense of amusement out of it. He would intentionally walk in the pathway of women and intimidate them with his size so they would have no choice but to move or walk another route. I observed him doing this and laughing every time he got the intended response he wanted.
He did this to me, and then proceeded to follow me into a fast food restaurant where I was ordering food. He came up to the cash register and made a false order of fries, played animal sounds from a phone app he had, startled us (me and the cashier) and walked off laughing.
As I was walking towards the subway I saw him continue to do this to other women. I also noticed that he was heading towards the subway where I was headed. I made a plan that if it turned out he was following me I’d yell and make a commotion about him stalking me and about contacting the police.

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Assault, groping, Stalking, Story, Verbal

Michelle’s Story: “I hate walking down the street”

Have you ever been catcalled, whistled at, groped, hugged, approached by a strange man, had your ass slapped or just had unwelcome comments. I have! From the time I hit puberty and ongoing. This is a common occurrence for me and I believe it has shaped the person I have become. I’ve received comments like more ounce for your bounce baby, nice body shame about the face, and does that skirt get shorter in the summer to mention a few! It has made me cautious and depressed. I hate walking down the street because I’m afraid of what comments might come out of people’s mouths. I’ve been stalked, followed, interrupted, and I hate it. I’m an overly tall woman so I often get looked at or gawked at and on more than one occasion I have even been asked to take pictures with. A few years back I worked for a Children and Youth centre and had to walk through a very unsafe area of Toronto. I again received a number of cat calls and whistles, and I don’t know what happened but I snapped. I turned around to the man who was cat calling me and I said that is not appropriate. I told him that I didn’t appreciate his verbal attack and could he refrain from doing it again. I think he was quite shocked by my response and he actually apologized. These types of activities are very damming especially for young girls. They encourage a type of inappropriate behaviour and I wish it would stop. It makes women like me, who generally are strong and professional feel demeaned and worth less than they are!

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Story, Verbal

Pat’s Story: Saddened that harassment still exists today.

My 20 something friend was working in Cambridge Ma. She wanted to take a power walk at lunch. She wore an oversized hoodie as to not attract attention. She had to stop walking as she go so many verbal sexual comments that she did not feel safe.

At 58 years old, I experienced such issues in the 70’s and believe me I dressed conservative. This made me so sad that things never change.

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Story, Verbal

HOLLA ON THE GO: Told to smile

Was told to “smile pretty girl” while walking down the street.

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Story, Verbal, youth

Gwynne’s Story: Blamed for walking at night

I have always been a night person, and a lover of walking. My style is laid back, loose clothing – it has always been this way.
The first time I experienced sexual harassment was when I was 12 and was walking late at night maybe around 1am, in a neighborhood that is not none as ‘dangerous’. A man followed me in a van encouraging me into it, eventually he left, but I learned a lot from that experience.
Last year I was walking down Bloor street (near Dundas west) going west, I had just finished work and it was around 2am and I lived about 30min away, so I decided to walk. A man in a car stopped and started to talk to me, I said nothing, he followed me – he would drive then park up ahead then when I passed he’d do it all over again, every time asking me questions as I passed. He followed me for 20min.
One summer night for some reason the street car was taking far to long – I must of waited like 20min, till I started walking and then when the street car did arrive I’d been walking for more then 30min. Anyways I was walking from the Rogers Centre at around 3-4 in the morning – I was wearing loose fitting clothes, a hard hat, and steal toed boots, I had just got off work. The streets were alive with people (going home or whatever) I must of had 50 men, from across the street, in cars, etc, – cat call, whistle and follow me for a little. They would say “love the outfit”, “love the Halloween costume”,”Want to get a drink” , etc. Well I got pretty angry real fast, cause dame! I was not wearing a Halloween costume thank you very much! Anyways after the downtown area I got to this tunnel, and there was this older women waiting at the corner, she asked me if I would accompany her through the darkish tunnel – I did. This older women was afraid of the neighborhood, afraid of this tunnel because it was dark. We got through without incident. This was a night of many experiences.
I still walk at night even though everyone I talk to tells me I shouldn’t and that it’s because I’m walking at night that I have men harass me, or they just flat out say it’s my fault. But to me I don’t see it like that, I am always smart about walking at night, and I shouldn’t be afraid to go outside passed a certain time, for I don’t live in a war torn city, or a city full of crime, I live in the 20th century Canada.
What I’m trying to say is the solution is not to tell Girls/Women/Females (in this part of the world at least) that they should just not go out walking at night. We should not instill fear of the dark in our young females. I have never talked to a male who has been told not to walk around at night. Why not instead of instilling fear into someone you give them another solution to the problem, something they can use – if ever they get caught in a bad situation,instead of a mind numbing stillness that occurs with fear. Let us stop being afraid of the dark, for darkness is just a colour, and instead shine the light on those that use the night for ill because we’ve told them they can.

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Story, Verbal

Keisha’s Story: “It’s hard for me to have the courage to stand up for myself”

I was dressed in normal workout clothes, jogging at the country club near my house in the off season when there weren’t golfers. There’s a chain link fence that divides the golf course from the road that runs parallel.

A car that was driving beside me on the other side of the fence slowed down and a man stuck his head out of the window. I knew what was coming.

“You lookin’ good out there girl!”

I had been so fed up with street harassment and felt safe enough with a fence between us that I just flipped him off and kept running.

“Why the fuck you flippin me off?” he snapped at me. I didn’t respond. “I was giving you a compliment, why you flippin me off?” he insisted.

“You’re being disrespectful,” I shouted to him.

“You’re the one who’s flippin’ people off, you fuckin white bitch. That’s what I think is disrespectful. Suck DICK.”

And he sped off.

My heart was racing by the end of the conversation. A chain link fence couldn’t stop bullets. My husband and I moved into a house we could afford despite our the student loan debt which meant we had to move into a new area.

I know it’s wrong to be harassed, but it’s not safe to confront harassers. I came home and told my husband and male roommate what I had done. They looked at me like I was stupid. “You could have gotten yourself hurt.”

*I* could have gotten *myself* hurt. If something had happened. It would have been MY fault.

It’s hard for me to have the courage to stand up for myself.

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