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I was out with a big group from work, and this guy came over to talk to me. He seemed okay at first, but then he started nuzzling my neck out of nowhere and tried to put his leg around mine. I just about ran across the room to get away from him. Fortunately a friend who was still near him explained why what he did was dead wrong, but it makes it hard for me to want to go out to that place again.
I am a woman. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a teacher. I am a student. I am a runner. I am a dancer. I am a consumer. I am a producer. I am a worker. I am an entrepreneur. I am a knitter. I am a sewer. I am a builder. I am a photographer. I am a writer. I am a barista. I am a chef. I am a sue chef. I am a clown. I am a director. I am a friend. I am a fighter.
I am NOT a babe. From November 30, 1983 to November 29, 1984, I was a baby. However, NEVER again will I be a babe or a baby.
I am kind. I am affectionate. I am caring. I am creative. I am hopeful. I am optimistic. I am determined. I am resilient. I am relentless. I am patient. I am fun. I am entertaining. I am outgoing. I am inspiring. I am inspired.
I am sweet as honey. I am clever as a fox. I am happy as sunshine. I am cute as a button. I am sharp as a tack. I am wise as an owl.
I am NOT a baby. NEVER again will I be a babe. Do NOT refer to me as such.
When you honk at me, it doesn’t make me feel pretty. It makes me feel trashy. Yes, it makes me feel desired, but in the way a fast car or fancy golf set is desired, the lust adorned on an object, but not the genuine desire for companionship of another human being who happens to be a woman.
When you honk at me, it doesn’t make me happy. It makes me feel angry, enraged, irate. Angry, because quite frankly, you startled me. No one likes being caught off guard. I was going about my day, being me, but you came blaring in, uninvited. Enraged, because you assume your expression via a car horn will bring you positive attention, a woman looking at you? This I don’t understand. You think honking at me is something I want or need to feel worth while, so in return I will give you the affirmation you seek to feel worthwhile…wrong!
Irate, because this happens more often than a dentist filling molars. You’re not the only one honking at me. You’re not special. Yet, at the same time, I know I’m not the only one you’re honking at, so I’m not special either. Quit living in your disillusioned world that when you honk at me, you will win me. Sorry, the game doesn’t work that way….so, quit honking at me!!!
While walking in the crosswalk (with right-of-way with “Walk” sign still lighted) east across the north side of the intersection at 23rd Street and 6th Avenue in the Flatiron District of Manhattan, the driver of a black Chevy Suburban with blacked-out windows turned quickly northbound onto 6th Avenue directly in front of me, narrowly missing me by only three inches!
I then walked north on the east side of 6th Avenue. As luck would have it, or not, when I started crossing 22nd Street, this same SUV and driver started turning east on 22nd Street and pushing his way into the crosswalk where I and others were already half-way across. I yelled out “Hey!” loudly to warn the other pedestrians and the SUV’s driver, only to have him speed up again through the crosswalk, hitting my knee and bags as I was mid-step. As I walked around the SUV to continue across 22nd Street, the driver stopped and jumped out of his car; a middle-aged man ran to within an inch of my face, assaulting me and yelling “Faggot” at me like a madman!
This is not a specific story per se, but a general rant. Why do so many males in cars honk at a woman walking down the street or waiting at a bus stop? Also, why do they hang their heads out the window and stare at us when they should be paying attention to the road? It really is just as annoying as if they were to yell something out at me. I’ve already had it done twice to me just this morning within about five minutes of each other, while on my way to work. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg of what I have to deal with in a typical week. What really burns me is that these idiots only do this when I’m alone. Nobody bothers me when I’m with my boyfriend. Really??? So in order to be left the hell alone, I have to be accompanied by a man at all times, otherwise I’m “fair game”? All I had on was a baggy grey hoodie, purple top, grey pants and sneakers. My hair was thrown back in a sloppy bun. Not that any of this should matter. It has seriously come to the point to where I’m ready to start disguising myself as a man anytime I have to go out alone. These assholes act like they’ve never seen a female before in their pathetic lives. YES, I’M A WOMAN…GET OVER IT!!!
I’m just so tired of men yelling at me through my window and trying to open unwanted lines of conversation. If I was interested, I’d talk to you.
About twelve years ago, at a leading New York cultural institution which shall not be named, I attended my department’s holiday party, at which no fewer than four of the men in attendance became drunkity-drunk-drunk. Things started out innocently enough, with everyone decorating the department’s hallways and boardroom with fake mistletoe and blue and silver tinsel and setting up trays of food and eggnog. Then someone decided to spike the nog and things went downhill from there. First people started talking in their outdoor, as opposed to indoor voices. Then there was the music switch from songs like Jingle Bell Rock to freak music, which although better to dance to, emboldened some of the drunk people to grab non-drunk members of the opposite sex and start grinding against them. Oh, and it didn’t end there… Before the party was over, these clowns were pulling women under the mistletoe with them, and saying things that would make a sailor blush. It was like these people had been let out of a cage, and it was their only chance to mate with the opposite sex. Needless to say, the professional fall-out from that evening rained down like ash from Mount St. Helens for months afterwards. Not pretty. And definitely not acceptable.
Does this kind of situation sound all too familiar? Whether it was you making that irreversible decision to get plastered or somebody else, there are some moments in life you just can’t take back. And how do you handle it, if a co-worker took advantage of the “everybody’s drinking” mentality and sexually harassed you?
In the moment, I’d suggest you don’t just go along with it, if it makes you uncomfortable, not only are you not being true to yourself, but you’re also enabling the other clowns in the room to think that type of behavior is OK. Even if it feels out of place to say “Stop,” say it and move away from them immediately. Try and join another group of partygoers who will respect your space. Now if the person, regardless of their professional superiority to you, dares to try and “follow-up” the shenanigans at a later time, when you’re both stone sober, I suggest saying something like, “You know, it got pretty crazy at that party the other night, but it’s not really something I’d like to pursue further.” And leave it at that. This is a noncommittal statement that shouldn’t offend any decent human being, because it doesn’t lay blame. After hearing something like this, a sensible person will know not to pursue you. If you feel that the co-worker/boss won’t leave it alone, then you have the option of responding via e-mail, which will then start a paper trail for HR if it should come to that.
Most situations never get this far, but a new report featured in Forbes this month mentioned how getting drunk at the office holiday party is on the rise, with all the inappropriate behavior that goes with it, mostly due to frustrations from the economic downturn. But this doesn’t excuse having a sense of personal responsibility when it comes to respecting each other’s boundaries. So have fun at this year’s round of parties, but always be safe!
Hi there, I just thought I’d share the following harassment story I recently experienced:
My mom and I live alone together. Our apartment is in the back of the building, so we face the back of another building. My mom was going to get dressed, so she went to draw the blinds and I heard her scream “OH MY GOD!!!!”
“What?” I asked her, pretty blase, since she often freaks out when she encounters pretty innocuous things.
“There’s a guy – in the building next to us – OH MY GOD – he was, you know…” After spluttering and freaking out for another minute or two, I finally got it out of her that she had seen a man masturbating in the next building, right in front of the window, so that anyone could see him.
The experience really disturbed my mom, and it really bothered me, too. While she was glad that she had been subjected to that sight rather than me, I was really mad that she had been exposed to it. The two of us have talked about it a lot and that’s made us feel better, but we haven’t really done anything concrete like reporting him. This is SUCH a frustrating experience!
Thank you for listening, I really appreciate it.
BY VICTORIA TRAVERS
It is truly awesome to see the creative ways in which activists are making themselves heard! Case in question: Governor Scott Walker and the Trojan Horse breakfast protest.
Last Thursday controversial Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker was shouted into silence by protesters posing as suits as he attempted to give a budget speech at the Chicago Union League Club.
Over 70 members of Stand Up! Chicago and Occupy Chicago ambushed the 11/3 Walker breakfast presentation on “Taxpayers, State Budget Reforms and the New Realities” at the Union League Club of Chicago in order to voice their opinions on Governor Walker’s union-busting and job-cut policies.
Protesters settled themselves down to breakfast and sprang into action following the opening remarks, using what they have dubbed as the “human mic.” The statement began:
“ It is an outrage and a shame, that we sit at this fancy breakfast to listen to someone who has wreaked havoc on the lives of working families. Governor Walker has vilified unions and insulted the 99% who depend on living wages and adequate benefits to support their families, while on the payroll of the right wing billionaire Koch brothers.”
After each statement the crowd repeated it, rendering the remainder of the room speechless. Walker encouraged his supporters to clap out the disruption but the protest continued, forcing the rest of the room to listen.
Check out the video for yourself and be inspired to make your voice heard and be a change maker!
I stumbled upon your website this evening, I can’t even begin to express how grateful I am for your efforts. I experience sexual harassment regularly as a young female which, combined with trauma from childhood molestation, often makes it difficult for me to cope with feelings of humiliation, frustration, and objectification. It had gotten so bad to the point where I began questioning if there was something wrong with ME. Was it the way that I dressed? Couldn’t be, because I dress rather conservatively. Was it my demeanor? I tend to keep to myself and certainly do not have a ‘come-hither’ attitude. I even began to question if it was my pheromones that were attracting creeps, as if I was the source to blame. Therapy has helped me cope with my past trauma, but there are some days when I don’t even want to leave the house or socialize in the outside world because I just don’t have the energy to put up with it anymore.
After reading so many Hollaback stories, I now realize that this isn’t just a problem that I am experiencing alone, but an epidemic. It’s not me that’s the problem, but THEM. It’s empowering to know that there are other women who have experienced the same thing and are taking a stand against it. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for showing me that I am not alone, and that there are resources I can turn to to combat under-the-radar sexual harassment.