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I was walking home from work yesterday – in fact, on the very block on which I live in Astoria, Queens – when I felt a hard slap on my ass. Stunned, I watched a man whizz by me on his bike. I managed to sputter “fuck you,” but I was so shocked that it didn’t come out nearly as loudly or aggressively as I would have liked. He was on a bike, so I barely got a glimpse at him – although he did look back briefly and I flipped him off. I’ve been subject to catcalls before, but never had I been inappropriately touched by a stranger, not even on a crowded subway.
Later, I wished I’d cursed him out louder and with more anger, but I was too shocked at the time to form a coherent response. My first instinct was to just go home and lock the door against the outside world, but I realized that letting this man’s behavior affect my own wasn’t the answer. So I changed into my workout clothes and went to the gym like I’d planned, trying not to worry that another stranger would see my loose yoga pants and spandex top as an invitation to assault or harass me. I’m still furious that someone would touch me without my consent, but I’m not going to stop wearing what I like or worry about walking home by myself. I’m not the one who should have to change my behavior.
Submitted by Sara
Editor’s Note: Last summer, a man was convicted of a rash of “butt-slapping” (AKA assault) in the Crown Heights area. For more information, check out this and this. We’re hoping what happened with Sara is an isolated incident and the guy is not out and about again, but if you experience something similar please let us know.
Recently I had the experience of traveling to Turkey with a university team. Being Canadian I was extremely excited for my first trip beyond North America. Overall it was a very pleasant adventure, and I could focus on one of the many positive memories that resulted, but there is another that always gets me.
Istanbul has a decent transit system, or at least the impression of one for tourists. After a day on the town we had accidentally timed our return on the train with rush hour. As warm bodies squeezed in, we huddled together as it can be uncomfortable isolated speaking only English and being the only white person to illicit stares. As the train started moving again I thought I felt something. I shrugged it off at first, with everything so packed the jostling can be confusing. Shortly after, my bum has been grabbed.
I was a little in shock. I moved quickly, to see an unassuming business man acting as if nothing has happened. The pervert just touched my ass! Not only that, he assaulted me in front of my friends AND boyfriend. I couldn’t believe it, told them in English, and everyone just stood confused. I wanted to punch him in the face, but by the time I had worked up the courage it was too late. If someone touches you and it is unwanted, that is physical assault, the end.
The worst part is that I started asking myself what I could have done differently. Knowing we were in a conservative country, we girls had dressed to show minimal (as in none) skin. I had a coat on at the time. Were my jeans too tight, was that asking for it in Turkey? I felt like it was my fault for trespassing with Western fashion in their country. Like the man just thought all white women were harlots. As if it was okay the man figured a woman should hide herself under swarths of cloth or be fair game for attack.
Even months afterward I still feel unsure of the incident. Am I bigoted for hating any Muslim stricture that has a line about being humble? I know that Islam is not exactly a feminist’s favourite religion, but we can’t liberalize such a widespread belief system by fighting it by banning minarets in Switzerland or whatever. But it feels right because I am so angry. All because some middle-aged pervert couldn’t keep his hands to himself, my views on so many issues have been changed.
That being said, I am thankful to be Canadian. There’s a long way to go, even here, but I can appreciate my daily commute far more now.
My friend and I were riding the 6 train downtown together. As we’re chatting, I feel something brush on my backside. I thought that someone was bumping into me cause the subway conductor was breaking every two seconds and people kept falling over and losing their balance. But, there was something about this that was different. It was really low on my backside and it was warm. I look and the guy behind me has a fucking ERECTION. It was right up against me. I freak out inside, but I’m trying to remain calm. I look at him, he had his head turned away from me
I was in the middle of talking when this all happened. I immediately stop what I was saying and turn to my friend and said (loud enough for the guy to hear) “can we SWITCH POSITIONS?” my friend switches with me, so now my friend is next to this guy. The guy gets off at the very next stop, and my friend asks me why I look so nervous. I whisper to him what happened and he was disgusted and angry, not to mention really weirded out. We both noticed that the man was wearing these blue shorts that had “pockets” but instead of fabric is was just a hole that showed his skin, and the man was clearly not wearing underwear.
I’m cat-called every day of my life. I take it as a part of living in this city. I literally cannot go out by myself without getting lewd looks or comments, most of the time by men who are old enough to be my father. What is saddening is that I am used to this. I should not have to “get used to this”, because men should never be doing this to begin with. This was my first ever physical encounter with one of these creeps. In the end I felt like I needed to take a shower.
Submitted by Susanna
Thanks for all the work you are doing in the city. I sent you a story a while back and wanted to relay another disgusting event to you.
I live in Queens and I was going home a little late getting on the 7 at Grand Central and this guy in a suit was like walking really close down the stairs behind me. So I stopped right at the bottom of the stairs where the train pulls up and he walked to my left like 20 feet away and I could tell the perv was staring at me. It took a long time for the train to get there and he was staring at me the whole time. So the train pulls up and all the sudden he is like RIGHT on my ass like pushing me in. I got in and there was a corner seat by the connecting door open so I sat there thinking he couldn’t rub up on me there. So he comes and stands right in front of me and is looking right down my top.
He was like 35, 6 feet, really good looking, wavy black hair with a wedding ring on. If you guys see him watch out. So I see that his hand is moving in his right pocket and he starts flicking his tongue at me. I was fuckin repulsed and like no one could even see him cause he had me in the corner. I am like 5’1″ and I was scared so I didn’t do anything but pretend he wasn’t there.
I could see his hard on and him rubbing it in his pants. He was like mumbling stuff too. I know one time he said o so u like that huh? It was so obvious. He was also like tapping my shoe with his foot like HEY look up at me jerking off and staring at you. My stop was 2 stops away but when the next stop came up I got up and got off. He purposely blocked me and groped my boob on the way out. I was scared and pissed too. This was on Monday and I havent seen him since. I cant wait to get the phone app you are putting out. I tried to get a pic but the train pulled away as I was trying to get his picture. You can share this story because I think it might help anyone else on that line at night.
Thanks for all your help.
Submitted by Krista
I didn’t snap a photo of this guy, because I didn’t know/couldn’t believe what was happening until much later:
Two friends and I took the downtown 6 train from 86th street to 14th street, about 6:45 on Saturday evening. The train was PACKED. I was pressed up against some dude, my back to his front. I felt something around my butt, but couldn’t tell what is was–I suspected a penis, but wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. I made a face at my friends, who told me to elbow him, but I couldn’t really tell what was happening. I could feel his heart beating against my back, but again, it was crowded, sweaty, etc. Eventually I was able to move. Fine. When the train crowds eased up a bit I realized I had something on my backside, and on my legs. We got out at 14th street, went to a restaurant, and I checked the dress in the bathroom–the man definitely came on me.
I called the police the next day, and they came by my apartment to take a report, but it was mortifying–they kept questioning everythinng I said, and one officer “repeated back” to me what I had allegedly told him, not letting me correct his mistakes, and told me “I have a great memory so I know exactly what you said.” Eventually his supervisor came by, and she was nicer, and more sympathetic, but the
message was clear: why would you let someone stand that close to you, and why wouldn’t you say anything (at the time, or right afterward). The whole experience was awful, but I don’t really know what I could have done differently–I didn’t want to turn around to face the guy, and figured that SEEING him would be worse than feeling him, but I had no idea that he must have had his penis out.
Completely disgusting, and the cops’ attitude made it worse.
Submitted by Sarah
This happened on the F train on Wednesday morning, April 14, I think this guy got on at Roosevelt (I guess around 7 or 7:05?), and he got off at Union Turnpike at 7:15 or 7:20. The lady next to him was sleeping and leaning on him and her arm was slipping over her leg next to his, so he moved his arm over hers and was trying to hold her hand. I was looking at him b/c I’m like aren’t they strangers, why is he trying to touch her?
Then he just kept staring at me, and eventually put his hands down his pants for like 10 seconds. When we rolled into Union Turnpike he looked like he was getting ready to get up and so did I b/c that was my stop too so he hesitated and kept sitting there and would stand up. When I stepped off the train and looked back, he of course got off the train without her b/c he didn’t actually know her. I turned around and got back on the train and woke her up like hey wake up don’t miss your stop, and the guy next to you was practically holding your hand while you slept – but she was so sleepy it didn’t register.
Then I tried to report the incident to that hotline that the MTA has been advertising for sexual misconduct, and the lady that took my call was stone cold, couldn’t give two shits, and just told me that if the lady was an adult she has to report it herself. When I called right back to ask if that guy had touched himself in front of everyone, why can’t I report it, and she said that lady has to report it. I called back the next day and it was another operator, and she told me I could submit the picture to any precinct, and she told me where the nearest one is.
Take a few minutes and remember his face and if you see him on the train or in the neighborhood, stay away from him or get a cop or something if one is nearby.
Submitted by Christine
Sunday night I was riding the train home at the front of a nearly empty car. This guy was walking towards me, so I started turning around. As I was turning, I felt and saw him grope my bottom. I was able to react quickly enough to kick him in the ass so hard he yelped. He tried to escape to the next car, but I followed him with my phone and snapped this photo. The station agent was surprisingly helpful and I filed a police report on spot. The police tell me a very similar incident had occurred earlier to another woman by a man meeting my description. The police are looking for this guy, so if anyone sees him TELL AN AGENT OR THE CONDUCTOR, as he is wanted by the cops. He tends to frequent the ACE.
I read hollaback NYC on occasion, and the blog is what gave me the foresight to snap the photo.
Submitted by Deborah
Reprinted from Metro New York, written by HOLLAhero Amy Zimmer:
Georgia Warren felt “disgusted” with what she witnessed on a Brooklyn-bound N train as it pulled into Pacific Street around 8:45 p.m. on Feb. 1: A man shoved his crotch against a woman and touched her shoulder. The man then walked toward Warren, but she shouted, “Don’t you f—ing touch me, you pervert.”
She alerted the conductor as two “good Samaritans” blocked the man from boarding another train. Police arrived 20 minutes later but said they couldn’t do anything because the man was “crazy,” Warren said. Despite subway PSAs encouraging riders to report lewd behavior, they didn’t take a report, she said. The victim left before police arrived, but Warren and another witness were willing to give statements.
“I just wanted to make sure this guy is not still out there touching people,” Warren, 24, said. “They released him — even as he fondled himself in front of them.”
Warren said the incident was reported to the Civilian Complaint Review Board.
The NYPD’s Transit Bureau chief last year said subway sexual harassment is the “No. 1 quality of life offense on the subway” and officers are required to take reports. The NYPD did not respond to requests for comment.
I was leaning up against the metal rails on an already crowded N train when the door opened and even more passengers got on. One passenger took the opportunity to smoosh himself right up against my backside after the doors closed and apparently was just planning on remaining that way. I started to turn myself entirely around to face him and move away, meanwhile saying “Oh NO, no no no no.” This pissed him off and he started shoving me. I looked at him and in my loudest HollaBack voice said to him and the other passengers, “LOOK–I just don’t want your COCK pressed up against my BUTT. Is that so hard to understand? I think that’s a pretty reasonable expectation.” He said “That’s why I was turning around” and turned around. Mission accomplished.
Submitted by V.
It was about 9am this morning and I got off at 72nd street to transfer to the downtown 1. The platform was pretty packed and I though to myself that a train hadn’t come in a while, regardless of how packed it was I was going to get on. Lucky me (I thought at the time) the train showed up a couple of minutes later. We all crowded on. And if you’re in NYC you know the trains can get super packed at this time. I was right at the door and someone squeezed in behind me. I didn’t give it much thought. A little into the ride i think i felt something on my butt but I couldn’t be sure because I had on a long, down coat (thank the Lord for this). I started to feel uncomfortable and I pushed my pelvis forward so that my ass was no longer rubbing against anyone. I also moved myself to the side a little but there wasn’t anywhere to go.
At the next stop the guy got off and I looked dead at him and saw that his hand was covered in cum. I panicked and looked at my coat and sure enough there was cum all over my coat.
Ladies, this guy is still out there and I’m going to keep my guard up and if I see him again (and I feel that I will) I’m getting a picture. I was in complete shock when this happened so I was a bit flustered but now during my commutes I’m going to try to find him. That smug look as he got off is forever etched in my mind.
Submitted by J.