demonstration, groping

Maisie’s story: Oh, is that my hand down your pants? Whoops!

Last Halloween I was out with my friends at my favourite nightclub in Manchester. It was pretty packed and at the bar we started chatting with some guys. They seemed friendly and were asking us about uni and things. We all moved onto the dancefloor and it was all quite innocent.
Suddenly, one of the guys stuck his hand down the front of my jeans and tried to get into my underwear. Shocked, I moved and told him that if he did that again I would slap him. He apologised and then did it again! This time he managed to get into my underwear before I could shove him away. I walked away and he followed me. I told him that I would report him to the police for sexual assault if he didn’t leave. He called me a frigid bitch and walked off.
I went to the bouncers and told them about this guy, they just shrugged and said it was probably an accident. They weren’t prepared to cause a scene even though by this point I was crying and felt so awful.
I’ve spoken to other girls and they’ve had this sort of thing done to them before. Nightclubs and bars need to be prepared to take action when things like this happen.

one comment 
demonstration, groping

Nancy’s post: Groped!

My best friend was groped in the breast by the owner of a bar in Devils Lake, ND. Apparently, he has done this to countless victims. Beware!

no comments 
demonstration, groping

Aimee’s story: “TAKE YOUR MISOGYNY and SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!”

I was riding my bike home from a friend’s house on a pleasant afternoon. In fact, it was broad daylight, 3pm and I had been spending the last few hours with my friend and her 6 month old son.
Bikes of course have the right of way in Milwaukee so I was riding in the street. As I approached a red light at the intersection just north of Humboldt and Locust, I see a dirty old truck and the backs of men’s heads. I make a conscious decision to ignore them straight off the bat and not “provoke” by even looking in their direction. Wrong. Nothing I could have done would have prevented them from doing what they did next. We got the green and I started pedaling, only to have the truck SWERVE right up next to me. I THOUGHT they were trying to avoid hitting something in the street, I thought they were going to hit me (for the second time in my life). They slowed down, then the passenger leaned out his window and smacked my ass before driving off like the cowards they were.

I couldn’t see their license plates, my sunglasses weren’t prescription.
I was full of rage and sadness, I felt ashamed and feared for my life all because some jackass thought it was his RIGHT to touch me.
you know what I would have said had you not been a coward?
TAKE YOUR MISOGYNY and SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!

no comments 
demonstration, groping, Stalking, Verbal

Victoria’s story: #policeFAIL

I was once going to my car to retrieve something out of it. When I was finished I turned back around to find a man standing directly behind me. I thought to myself that maybe he was there to ask for change, something that I was used to. Instead of hearing the words “Can you spare a quarter M’am?” I got “I was just tryin’ to make love to you.” Not exactly sure how to react to this I started walking away. He then proceeded to follow me and he asked me where I was going. I said, “To my boyfriends!”. That’s where he grabbed my arm and said something to the extent of “What your boyfriend got on me?”. I was able to remove his hand from my arm. Luckily he just walked off. The man seemed out of it and was possibly drunk or on something else. Not much later I saw a group of horse cops in the same alley way. I approached them and informed them that a man had just come up to me and tried to pull me away and possibly rape me and that they could please stay around to keep a look out. Not only did they barely acknowledge me, but they all road off about 5 minutes later.

no comments 
groping, Verbal

Louise’s Story: Harassment even in supermarkets

I was in Sainsbury’s and I was buying cakes and these two guys looked at me and said ”nice” and followed me around the whole shop and wouldn’t stop looking at me, so I left my cart and went and this isn’t the first this has happened.¬† On nights out, guys would touch me.

no comments 
groping, Verbal

Nadia’s Story: Working with the system to put an end to harassment

I occasionally work through an online service that facilitates pre-screened runners to do tasks for people who either need help for a certain amount of time or doing a specific task. It’s a great service that allows me the ability to work when I have free time, but not maintain a strict regular schedule when a real job would interfere with school. It’s like a more legit way of hiring someone through craigslist to do menial work such as picking up groceries, house cleaning, assembling furniture, moving, event staff etc. During a recent bar tending event, a fellow hired through the same company hit on me the entire night and physically touched me twice. I was going to just let it go but decided that I should stand up for myself, that his harassment was not okay, and that I should not have to wait until I am groped, explicitly verbally harassed or raped before reporting sexual harassment. Everyone deserves a working environment where they can feel secure and not have to simply brush off a situation where another person makes them uncomfortable. I wrote the company this letter and they are taking the matter very seriously. I just got off the phone with one of their representatives who was very supportive and told me that the highest level of the company is currently having a meeting about the situation, that they value and support me and that they are going to take care of this situation. This is the letter I wrote to them:

“This is regarding the bar-tending task that took place this past Saturday 3/12 posted by {redacted} and the runner Ryan S.
I’m sorry if the prose is a bit lengthy and emotional, I’m still upset by the occurrence and had a hard time trying to describe exactly what happened.

It started with the usual introductions and small talk. He asked me if I was single which I thought a bit odd. He then proceeded to lengthily explain that his live-in girlfriend of 5 years up and left him for her boss and how he had moved into the city and was living alone while I nodded politely. At one point I stated that I was tired but my best friend was in from Seattle and I had promised to take her out once I got off but I really wasn’t up for it and needed coffee. He casually suggested half a dozen times that we find an open cafe and grab some together afterward. I pointedly ignored him to spare him the embarrassment and figured he would take the hint. He continued to jockey for an invitation, at one point suggesting that we take the leftover oversize bottle of tequila from the party and split it afterward. I continued to ignore him even though it was obvious that I had heard him. I realize that I should have verbally expressed my dissension but we had several hours to finish bar-tending and cleaning up and I wanted things to run smoothly for our host.

He crossed the line when he physically put his hands on me from behind, holding me with his hands on my shoulders. This was a purely flirtatious gesture on his part. He was not moving me out of the way and it in no way had any practical purpose towards the job at hand. I immediately ran away through the neighbor’s part of the roof that was partitioned off so I could get away as quickly as possible.

I’m not naive and I’ve worked at jobs where the relationship between coworkers allows that sort of contact over time. I had met Ryan that evening and was friendly but not flirtatious and I had given him absolutely no indication that he had permission to touch me in any way. I had just met him, I did not trust him and his behavior was completely inappropriate. He is also considerably older than me which added to my discomfort.

I felt uncomfortable at the prospect of leaving the building by myself in case he followed me as the task ended at midnight and was in a residential section of town. I called a good friend to come pick me up at the door.

At the end of the night he communicated to the host that we were done cleaning and she confirmed that we were good to go. This all happened 5 feet away from me and I heard their conversation. He then came behind the bar where me and the other runner were standing and put his hand on the small of my back and said that we could leave. I wanted him to exit first so that I could wait in the apartment for my ride to show up and to make sure that he didn’t follow me outside. This may seem paranoid but again, I had just met this man, he was older and larger than me, he had physically touched me twice after I had expressed my discomfort and honestly, in the pit of my stomach I felt very unsafe. He stood at the door which was ajar for several minutes seeming to internally debate whether he should openly ask me again to leave with him. I stared at my cellphone and waited for my ride to call, pretending I was engrossed in something.

He is a nice enough man and probably just lonely but he made me very uncomfortable in a situation where I felt powerless to openly reprimand him. I was ambivalent about writing this email at first, but the feeling of discomfort is still vexing me two days later.

I understand that (company name redacted) is unique and the nature of the system engenders an environment where interactions between your employees are hard to mitigate. I don’t want an apology from him and I don’t really care that nothing dangerous ended up coming of it. I would have no trouble classifying this as sexual harassment and want him fired. I absolutely feel afraid of seeing him again and disturbed at the thought of interacting with him, whether at a company party or during a two person job if he happens to get chosen as the other employee. This instance is interfering with my work as I will be weary bidding on two person events, which I usually really enjoy and pay the most.

I feel like I’ve been an valuable employee, picking up jobs whenever I have time, staying flexible to the senders needs, staying communicative with (company name redacted) if there were ever any discrepancies and being an excellent representative of your company. I have a 100% 5 star rating with 20 jobs and have met a few of the actual employees. There are no witnesses to the conversation or the physical contact described above other than possibly the party goers. The other bartender was downstairs at the time. My friend (redacted) who picked me up would be willing to verify my level of distress directly following the party and recount all of the instances I’ve described in this email. I had not met this man before, have no connection to him and will probably never see him again and assure you, I have no reason to fabricate these accusations.

I absolutely do not want to have any further interactions with this man so please make sure he does not contact me. If you have any questions please call me. I would be willing to come to the office and give you an in-person statement if you need one. Prior to contacting him please email me with the course of action you plan on taking. I’ve never had anything like this happen to me before and am still very upset and shocked at the lack of professionalism he exhibited towards me. If nothing is done I will seriously consider closing down my account.

Thank you so much for your time reviewing this matter. I hope to hear from you soon.

-Nadia”

My intention of posting this is to bring hope to some women that sexual harassment accusations can be taken seriously and dealt with appropriately. It was initially terrifying writing the letter and I was worried that I might simply be brushed off but the positive support I’ve received so far is truly inspiring and validating of my experiences and worth as a human being. Not all companies are as intelligent and empathetic to their employees but I thought I’d add my story to the pile and encourage women to report their harassers, even if a situation simply makes you uncomfortable. Regardless of gender, people need to learn respect of each-others boundaries or else sexual harassment will never end.

no comments 
groping, Verbal

Serenity Elizabeth’s Story: My night is none of your business

After a clumsy night with my friends that left bruises and scratches on my legs I was walking home with shorts on. An old man said “rough night,” pinched my butt and walked away.

one comment 
groping

Offended’s Story: There’s no excuse for being a jerk

I was at a party with some sequined, tight pants on. I danced and was having fun, when a guy slapped my ass. I turned around, shocked. The guys behind me only shook his shoulders in refusal. Not only did it happen once, but many times during the night, by different guys. When I talked to a girl about this, all she said was “that’s just how guys act when they are drunk.”

I have never felt that humiliated in my life…

no comments 
groping, Verbal

Flora’s Story: Don’t hug me, creep.

As part of a mixed sixth-form in an all boys school, I’m used to demeaning comments and harassment in the corridors by immature 14 year olds – but there’s one guy who’s in my year. He constantly hugs the girls, which is OK if you’re close friends, but he hugs really tight and slightly too long. One time he smelt me while hugging me,despite the fact that I was clearly uncomfortable and was trying to step away. In addition to this he has made incredibly inappropriate comments to my boyfriend, ranging from so-called “compliments” about my appearance to “can I join in?” and “I want to j*zz in her mouth”. That’s right, he said that to my boyfriend. Everyone was incredibly awkward and I was simply freaked out – I barely knew him! We try to avoid him from now on, though he still forces hugs on me if he does see me.

2 comments 
demonstration, groping, racial discrimination

CCH’s story: Unexpected poke on the bus…Gross!!

I am an Asian-American living abroad in Rome, Italy. One evening I got poked by an exposed penis on the bus. It occurred on a very crowded bus, where it was difficult to find room to move. Unfortunately, other harassment experiences lead me to believe he “chose” me because I am not Italian. There were no less than three Italian women within groping distance. He poked my hand several times and when I realized what he was doing, I wedged my umbrella in between him and myself. He was a persistent bastard, but his penis lost a duel with my umbrella.

2 comments 
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