Appalachian Ohio, Athens GA, Atlanta, Baltimore, Chicago, Cleveland, Columbia MO, Columbus, Denver, Des Moines, Durham & Chapel Hill, East Lansing, Fredericksburgh VA, Houston, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, Lubbock TX, Manhattan KS, Muncie IN, New Orleans, New York City, NYU, Pittsburgh, Plattsburgh, Richmond VA, San Fernando Valley, San Francisco, SUNY Oneonta, Tucson, Twin Cities
Let me start by saying that I am a native of both Dublin and London. I am used to the leers and hoots of random perverted jackasses from pubs as they glug beer and watch the footie game on the television. But since I moved to New York City in July 2005, at the age of seventeen, I can honestly say I’ve encountered more lewd fuckwits in one thirteen mile long city in one year than you can shake a stick at.
My favourite has to be the asshole who phoned me the other day. I do not have caller ID (but you can be damn sure I’m having it installed ASAP, after this incident). Our conversation goes a bit like this:
*panting and crashing from other end*
Random fuckwit: Hey, sexy.
Me: Who is this?
Random fuckwit: Your stallion. Rawr (I wish I could say I was joking)
Me: Stallions don’t rawr. Who are you, and why are you phoning me?
Random fuckwit: *in ridiculous, downright embarassing attempt of a proper English accent: Are you British, mate?
Me: Yes, *mate*, and I’m about to hang up. Bye now.
Random fuckwit: Do you mind if I jack off?
Me: Be my guest. *slam phone down*
As much as I love being accosted by some asshat on the phone, I think I’d be an idiot if I didn’t share this with the rest of the world. Enjoy, ladies, and keep yourselves safe. And Mr. Fuckwit, wherever you are: get a new hobby.
Submitted by Rory
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