HOLLA ON THE GO: Going through the stages of emotions after an encounter. Terrified, angry, humiliated and invisible.
It’s always been curious to me how I can be such a confident, assertive and tough woman – yet when something like this happens I suddenly feel so small, or like I no longer exist at all. Its like all the life gets zapped out of me. So maybe telling this brief story of what happened to me yesterday will help me take my power back. My husband had an appointment, so the plan was to drop him off and go get a couple groceries while I wait. So I did that, but Walmart was so crowded that I didn’t have the energy for it. So I grabbed the one or two essentials I needed and went to checkout. As I was walking back to my car in a crowded parking lot in the middle of town at 5pm – one of the busiest times of day I did not expect this creep to be so bold. I noticed a GIANT truck driving slowly behind me, I assumed he was looking for a parking spot but my intuition kicked in as soon as he pulled behind me. The universe always has a way of telling us or warning us, although there was nothing I could do to avoid or deter his gaze. There was nothing I could have done to prevent this, which should make me feel better but just makes me feel all the more powerless. I realize I have been walking the wrong way, because I’m exhausted and now slightly distracted. So I turn and walk the opposite direction toward where my car is. This giant truck that literally and figuratively already makes me feel so small then turns to drive the wrong way down the lane of the parking lot so fast and so abruptly that I now know he is following me to taunt me. But I still just thought he was simply fucking with me. But then he turns on his brights to blind me and rolls down his window and starts hollering obscene things at me. I just freeze, then start running to my car. I get to my door to unlock it and he slams on his brakes to stare down at me from his big lifted truck that is now loud, bright and his eyes look CRAZED. He stares at my ass then my mouth and says “GODDAMN.” And then kind of waits for me to respond? All the while I am trying my hardest to get into my car. I finally do and slam the door and lock it. He is parked in front of me, I’m terrified he’s gonna get out. He doesn’t, but he sits there trapping me in my spot grinning. I stare into his eyes mustering the only courage I have to just give his the coldest stone face stare I can. He gets angry, and shakes his head. Then leans out his car just enough to spit on the hood of my car then screeches his tires spinning wheels as he peels off in the most melodramatic way. I’m grateful he’s gone and happy that I’m safe. And I should count my blessings, but I feel so dead inside. I feel like he sucked all the life and power from me in that moment while all the people in the parking lot simply watched and ignored him – kept walking. I don’t need a hero or need people to help. But damn, I go out of my way to watch other women in parking lots to make sure they are safe. But who knows, maybe there WAS some woman there sitting and watching and making sure I was safe before driving off. Ladies, look out for each other and stay safe.