HOLLA ON THE GO: When I was younger…

When I was younger I had switched schools in the 2nd grade because we moved to a new town. So when I switched schools it was very difficult for me because I had a hard time making friends, for the entire 2nd grade year. I couldn’t talk to kids, play with kids, I couldn’t even talk to the teacher without freaking out. So I didn’t have any friends until the 3rd grade. This girl, let’s call her K, she befriended me, even though I didn’t speak to her we just stood next to each other at recess. But once I got to know her bit more and her other friend we all became best friends. I was so happy. About a year later, we went into the 4th grade together me and the girl that befriended me. We made more friends together and then things started going weird. We became good friends with this girl, let’s call her M. M, me, and K used to play together at recess everyday. Then one day M didn’t want to play with us anymore, I was curious why so I went up to her asked her. She told me that K put her hand on her shoulder and started dragging her hand toward her breasts. At first I didn’t believe her, I told her K would never do that. She started crying and telling me that it did happen and that it wasn’t the first time she did that. That K tried to touch her a lot, M said she couldn’t take it anymore so she was going to move schools. I asked her why doesn’t she tell the teacher, and she said that she was embarrassed. And then she told me that I needed to stop hanging with K, and that I needed to be careful. But how could I?! She was my first friend, my only friend when no else could be. How could I do that to K? Leave her? I couldn’t, so I kept hanging out with her. Once M left, I started seeing what M was talking about. I was confused, I mean I didn’t even know that what K was doing to me and M was harassment. M probably knew but I didn’t, all I knew for sure was that I felt uncomfortable whenever she put her hand on me or was even near me. I would feel the hairs on my neck lift whenever she was near and I would put on a fake smile for her. Then K started to touch my shoulders and drag them down toward my b. At first i would shrug her off but then when we sat down next to each other she would put her hand on my thigh. I would quickly stand up and pretended that I needed to get something. A girl, A, saw it happen once and told her to back off to not touch me like that. I was so embarrassed that A saw it happen, I was ashamed that I couldn’t stand up for myself that I needed someone else to do it for me. So after A stood up for me I went to books to comfort me and stopped hanging out with K, I didn’t make any more friends for the rest of the year. And I blocked out the memories of K and her touches, until I was talking to my sister about girls being harassed now a days. Then the memories started to come back and I knew that what K did to me and M was not okay. That what she did was inappropriate and so violating. We were in elementary for goodness sake. My parents worst fear was teachers doing something to me in school. My worst fear was going to school the next day.
[got_back]