Death to the good girl.

So the other day I had what Oprah would call an “A-ha” moment. Though I prefer to refer to it my “Get the fuck out of my personal space you male-privilege-assuming bastard” episode. Just has a nicer ring to it.

Anyways, I was at a gas station and had just finished filling up when an older gentleman clad in overalls (I live in NC) ambled over to stand RIGHT in front of me, blocking my entrance back into the driver’s seat of my beloved automobile.

He tried to start up some inane conversation about gas prices, which were SO HIGH these days compared to when he was young. Pissed off that he wasn’t getting my subtle “step-back-random-dude” vibes, I thought about asking if his first car was a Model T. But, as he kept inching creepily closer to me, I just said very firmly “I need to get back in my car.”

But that’s not what HE wanted.

The lovely gent actually shook his head no and tried to keep talking, all the while inching closer and closer toward me. In my mind I found myself running through all those perpetrator-excusing things we’re taught to do as women…Maybe this guy was just a little crazy, bless his heart, or actually was trying to pick me up but didn’t know how to go about it…but then IT CLICKED.

I didn’t, and I don’t, give a damn why a STRANGER chooses to disrespect my personal space with unwanted interaction. When I say leave me alone, it means LEAVE ME ALONE.

So I screamed at the top of my lungs “Get out of my way” so loudly the man literally winced, covered his ears and RAN back to his truck that was parked near by. People were looking and he was embarrassed.

It, was awesome.

And empowering. Worse things have happened to me, but this was one of the first times I’ve ever responded so powerfully. It felt good and it balanced out the “ick” factor.

I truly believe that HollaBack helped me to be so assertive. Reading through your blog’s entries and article links has helped me understand what street harassment is really about: Power. Making women feel less than men in public spaces, making us feel like prey, whether we’re in a power suit or a sundress. Making us feel like we’re the property of any and every man on the street.

Fuck. That.

This won’t be the last time some stranger thinks he can treat me like I exist for his amusement.

But, I’m going to keep being loud. I’m going to keep holding harassers accountable whenever I feel safe enough to do so. And it’s going to feel good, oh so good.

Death to the “good girl,” I say.

Ladies, it’s time for us to get mean.

Submitted by Beth

4 responses to “Death to the good girl.

  1. I find it’s easy for me to not play nice with these men because they don’t respect me, so I don’t respect them. Very rarely do I try to be the sweet, unassuming nice girl to them. I agree with the idea of “death to the good girl”! Women need to stop feeling obliged to be polite to these rude men and put themselves first.

  2. Your story just made me SO happy. You pushed aside the stupid and detrimental societal rule that girls are supposed to be polite and passive, even in the face of danger. Thank you so much for screaming out.

  3. Was this in the Greenville/New Bern area? That happened to me too in 2009 when I had to go to one of ECU’s hospitals for a day. I had just been diagnosed with cancer and was getting gas when some old man started talking to me about my military base sticker, and was looking down my shirt and getting closer. I couldn’t believe it at first, and said I have to leave. I was so angry at myself as I drove away and felt victimized (again); at least with cancer you know you can’t really yell at it. If it was the same man, thank you for embarassing him! I will know what to do next time.

  4. Melissa, it happened in the Raleigh area. I’m so sorry about your diagnosis. You should have told the bastard that you had just received it, maybe then he’d be forced to see his “target” as a human being. Maybe.

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