I was walking through town to get the bus, wearing dungarees, a Sonic the Hedgehog t-shirt and a pair of manky Converse, and some baldy 23-year-old dick went “Excuse me.” I was deep in thoughts of Iain Banks and Dylan Moran:
(at one and the same time! This is quite absorbing, and useful at work to make the day go faster…) and so looked at him vaguely and said “Whuh?” He made the universal gesture for “You have breasts and I am a cockweasel!” and said “You’re a bit lopsided there!” I looked blank, my mind was (considerably) elsewhere. “Ah, yes. Thanks.” I said, and wandered off. He looked disgruntled and his pal laughed like a monkey and poked him, and I and my dirty thoughts won the day.
To be honest I wish I’d said something scathing, but really, I was distracted.
Submitted by Susanna, Scotland