I pass by this pub every day, and it doesn’t matter what I wear, but this guy keeps calling me baby. I purposely try to avoid this area, but it is unfair that I have to change my habits while he can’t change his behavior. I know I’m not alone in this, but I am tired of hearing old disgusting dudes call out “alright baby,” as if they own me. I literally have to walk places with my boyfriend or my parents in order to feel safe. That isn’t fair to me or to anyone.
I was on a 7:50am bus to a watersports course I was taking one Saturday morning. There was only myself and about three other passengers on the bus, a girl about mid-twenties sitting in front of me, a middle aged man in the aisle opposite, and a middle aged lady in the seat behind me. I had just caught the bus in a rush so was still quite bleary eyed and tired. About 5 minutes after I got on the bus a young man, about mid-twenties, got on. He walked passed the lady sitting in front of me before stopping in the aisle beside me, and saying in a very loud assertive voice to me “You! You were out last night.” In shock I mumbled “no”, before he continued. “You, you! I can tell by your face you were out last night. You’re a bad girl.” And he continued walking down to the back of the bus.
This may not sound like the most offensive comments in the world, but his sheer ignorance and nerve to shout about on a young girl’s appearance (bearing in mind I’m a twenty year old student, who was sitting alone on the bus) to a whole bus. I was tired from preparing for my course, but even if I had been on a night out, who was he to berate me for this, as if a woman doesn’t have the right to go on a night out. I sat in shocked silence trying to convince myself to go and confront him, but decided that as I was alone with loads of bags, the risk of him getting off at the same stop as me and harassing me further was not worth it. He got off at the stop before me, not before he passed me and sneeringly stopped to say “Goodbye now”. Before the bus pulled away, he stopped at the window where I was sitting, knocking and gesturing, what I’m not sure as I was to intimidated to look directly at him. I decided the least I could do was express some of my disgust, as there was now the safety of a window between us, and swiftly flipped him off before the bus pulled away.
This guy in front of me on the bus in Minneapolis loudly, repeatedly demanded attention from a lady across from us – then aggressively hit on her. She very politely declined to talk with him, so he called her a lesbian – and poor, because “rich women like me.”
I was walking my dog at approximately 11:36 am on a Thursday. A man in his mid twenties approached in a red sedan and whistled quite obnoxiously. It frightened my dog and startled me. I proceeded walking on my route and from another street I could see him circling. He passed me three times. I eventually picked up my dog and ran home.
I was walking home from school. As I was walking past a church parking lot that was a block from my house a guy pulls in the lot and says “Hey Beautiful.” I look over and walk away with stern body language. As I was walking away and I heard him shouting things at me. Only to make out ” Come here ,I got the money .” He was probably trying to imply that I was a prostitute. I was dressed in normal school clothes, carrying a binder. Why are men so sick? I’m scared to walk home now.
In order to get home I have to walk across a pedestrian bridge and then walk through a local park in my town. I do this walk multiple times a day. Going to and from school, work, and anything else that might get me out of the house. Almost everyday I get catcalled at. My most recent incident: Around midnight I was coming home from an SF Giants baseball game and I had to drop off my rental car then walk home. I braced myself with my pepper spray and wrapped a huge blanket around my shoulders hoping to prevent anyone from talking to me. Some guy in his twenties comes up to me and says, “What’s up beautiful?” I didn’t reply. “A little cold there?” I just kept walking and ignored him. But him and other people who have called out to me when I am walking alone make me so angry. Do they not realize how scared they are making me? Is it a power trip for them? Is it funny for them? I am so afraid of walking to and from my house even during the day. If a man is walking up behind me I immediately tense up and grab my pepper spray, no matter the time of day. I’m angry that the most I can do is ignore them for fear of them doing something worse. I’m angry that they make me so powerless with just a couple words. I hate feeling this way.
Again at the 500. Block of Main Street. Group of older males loitering- as I passed one said “I’ve been watching you a long time.”
In the midst of this #yesallwomen trend I have been following, I get off the bus already feeling vulnerable and nervous. Not even thirty seconds after getting off the bus a man walks towards me, and fairly loudly mumbles “hey girl, I was wonderin’ if you was single.” I ignored him and kept walking to the MFL, and he kept whispering at me “girl. hey girl. i’m tryna talk to you.”
I do not know how to properly respond to this while feeling safe.
I was walking to work this morning, when I saw a guy sitting on a stoop smoking a cigarette watching me walk in his direction. I live and work in the city so I didn’t think anything of it, and continued walking like a normal person. As I got closer to him and was about to pass, he started whistling at me. So, without hesitation, I let out my best obnoxious bird call, “CAW-CAW!! CAW-CAW!!” to give him a taste of his own medicine. I doubt he’ll ever whistle at me again.
I have infinite experiences of verbal and physical street harassment with threatening, sexual undertones- but these occasions stood out to me.
I was at a festival with a group of my friends, the age demographic predominantly being about 16-21. At one point, as my friends were all in a tent, i lingered directly outside- packing some things in to my bag before i joined them. I was literally centimetres away from my group when a hulking man in his mid 30’s- evidently stronger, bigger, and able to over power me if he wanted- entered my personal space and began saying “your friends have all left you, they told me to come and get you- come to our tent”. Not only was this man clearly to old for the age demographic, which in itself made me feel uncomfortable, but he was actually lying to me in an attempt to get me to come to his tent. He had seen me in a vulnerable position, on my own, and taken the opportunity to try and deceive me into leaving with him. I felt genuinely threatened, as at that moment, it could have been possible for him to forcibly take me without anyone initially knowing or able to locate me. Considering the reports of rape at this particular festival, and his sleazy remarks towards me- it comes as no shock that i felt completely intimidated.
At this same festival, i woke up in the morning to find two men, both considerably older than me, sitting in the entrance to our tent (which they must have opened themselves). One of the men was groping my thighs and stroking my legs in a sexually threatening way- saying “i’d love to wake up to these legs”. Feeling utterly repelled, i responded with a look of clear disgust and told him to ‘get off’. He had the audacity to look shocked and offended at my remark, saying “oooohhhh she didn’t like THAT!!” and asking me if i was a lesbian. I don’t know how you are supposed to respond when you wake up to a complete stranger touching you *WHILE YOU SLEEP* without you even vaguely hinting towards wanting any attention.
In the next situation i am about to outline, i didn’t feel threatened, but i think it is a horrific demonstration of how social conditioning from acts as a catalyst for the objectification and street harassment of women. I was walking home from sixth form, when a group of boys ranging from the ages of about 9-10, shouted sexual remarks at me- outlining what they were ‘going to do to me’. Shocking. These are CHILDREN. Evidently then, they did not actually intend or even desire what they shouted at me. Clearly then, these kids have watched this behaviour in older men and copied it, influenced by the pervasive objectification of women as ‘things to hurl abuse at’- not fully understanding the meaning of their behaviour. It’s a vicious cycle- the observable harassment of women permeating the minds of young boys and presenting itself as acceptable.
My Dad explained to me that he did not realise or comprehend the impact of ‘normal’ street harassment towards women, until he was approached in exactly the same way by a group of gay men- all bigger than him- and he was put in the vulnerable situation that women find themselves in every day. Unwanted sexual advances like this are NOT compliments. They are THREATENING, INTIMIDATING and DEGRADING.