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First let me say I have a boyfriend whom I love. The attention he gives me is pure and kind and he’s wonderful. However, attention from anyone but him makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and dirty.
The other day, I was biking home from my job and was almost home when a car full of guys slows down as it drives past me. They start to call out to me and whistle and hollar out things like “hottie! Over here!” They were waving me over with their arms. I was so confused because I didn’t understand why they thought that would work! I got home not long after and I couldn’t get out of my head feelings of guilt and sadness. I felt dirty and like I was a slut… Even though I hadn’t done anything wrong! I’m sick of feeling like an object males think they can pick up and use.
I once asked a boyfriend why guys whistle at girls and he said because they are cowards and don’t have the guts to ask the girl out.
I repeated the same to a guy in a truck once who so sleazily whistled at me. I stepped up onto the stairs of his truck, told him what my guy said and he was humiliated…. LMFAO.
R.E.S.P.E.C.T… find out what it means to me …
During my “year out” backpacking through Europe, I left the hostel with a daypack and was strolling down the street where food and things were for sale. I was eating a banana (my breakfast) and 2 Mid-Eastern men said (in fractured English for my benefit), “She’s so fat, she eats a banana.”
Well, not only was it ignorant of my situation, but that they said it so I’d understand it infuriated me. But I pretended I didn’t hear and continued on my way. It still bothers me even though I ended up losing almost 90 pounds during that year, just by walking everywhere and eating healthy “picnic-style” for most of my meals.
I was going for my 5pm run. I walked passed a guy in his mid 30s, he asked me “When will I see you again”. I gave him that disgusted look. It seems that he didn’t get the point.
A man driving by me and two others (one of which was a minor) shouted “nice ass” out of the window of his car
I was walking from my apartment late one morning to get to class. It’s a 10 minute walk from my front door to my desk. That day, I was slumming really hard, I don’t care what I look like for a 10 am algebra class: black gym shorts, grubby t shirt. My apartment is on the corner of the intersection. I was about halfway through the intersection when a car suddenly turned left onto the street I am crossing. The driver stopped his car right in my path.
“Where you goin looking like that, you wanna come with me?”
When confronted, my first instinct is to become combative, and this was no different. I screamed at him: “get your f*cking car out of my way, it’s none of your business where I’m going.”
“Aw baby you ain’t got to be like that,” he said as he pulled away.
Ok, dude, you ain’t got to block my path with your whole entire CAR as I’m walking to class. I don’t CARE how short my shorts are.
And this is but a single instance. Where my neighbors were protective and kind, the men who hang out at the corner store were vocal enough about harassing my roommate and I that we began to take a different route to leave the neighborhood. Getting on my bike was impossible without some dude saying something to me. Young teenagers half my age would hit on me on the street, in this neighborhood, street harassment is par for the course.
I got to the gym every week day morning at around 6AM. I can say that I’ve never had issues before at this particular gym…I just put my headphones in, lift, run, and leave. No one has ever bothered me before. This morning, the sun was shining through the windows and I could barely see while putting away my free weights. Now, I do have blue eyes and when the sun hits them, they can look very light blue. A man lifting weights next to me said, “You’re eyes are beautiful!”
I replied with, “Thank you.” and continued to choose weights and go back to lifting. But before I could he said, “What are you doing lifting here? You know a man loves him a girl with blonde hair and blue eyes.”
I was repulsed and didn’t know what to say. So I put my headphones back in, smiled, and started to walk away.
Then he said, “You got a man?”
I replied, “Yes.”
He said, “Is he here? You lookin for a man.”
the entire time his eyes just scanning me up and down. It was SO uncomfortable.
I put my weights away and walk to the other side of the gym to get away from him. About three minutes later, he’s at the machine next to me! Still looking at me and making comments.
I decide to just go to a treadmill surrounded by people and run. I felt so uncomfortable that I left the gym after about 15 minutes of running.
You would think that would be all. There is a grocery store next to my gym that I frequent and I needed to pick up a few things. I went directly from the gym to the store to pick up coffee beans, Milk, and a protein bar. Within 5 minutes of being in the store, I see the man again in the store! I quickly grab my things and walk out.
This was absolutely inappropriate, made me feel so uncomfortable, and frankly, unsafe.
It’s not a compliment. It’s harassment.
Group of ~10 guys in the city park drinking, one of which is making a point to go out of his way to come up to women and shake hands or give high fives.
I sit down to eat my sandwich, and there he comes (I think he missed me on the way in because he was busy bothering someone else).
“Gibberish gibberish (in Dutch)”
“I don’t speak Dutch”
“Hello, will you shake my hand please?”
“No thank you”
“What? Please? Everyone else has.”
“No thank you.”
“Are you a friendly person?”
“Please leave me alone.”
Offers fist pound. “This is all I want then I’ll leave you alone.”
“You can leave me alone right now.”
He gives a look of disbelief but departs.
~15 minutes later, another member of the group comes up. He says hello and offers me some food. I say no thank you. He says “What do you want?” He says this to me. I say “I want to be left in peace to eat my lunch.”
~15 minutes later I walk past the entire group, as they are near the entrance. I hear in English “I like that one, but she’s very impolite.”
Kept on walking. Desire was to eat in peace and not be wheedled, whined, shamed, or harassed into interacting with anyone I didn’t feel like interacting with. My free will and desire is not negotiable.
Invasive pat downs are always in the back of my mind when I fly. I can’t relax until I hear the engines start up.
So, going through PDX security alone and having a TSA agent stop me by the first class lane, look at my id and boarding pass, and ask “You first class or just beautiful?” scared me. I was kinda shocked and said “What?” maybe a little sharper than I needed to. He quickly handed me back my boarding pass and id and waved me over to the line I’d been heading for to begin with without saying anything else.
I was terrified I’d be subjected to a pat down (groped) because I’d been snippy with him and maybe embarrassed him. It’s a miracle I didn’t look suspicious to someone just because I was scared of that happening.
First I should explain myself and how I’ve come to realize unwanted attention is not OK. I live in the South, where ladies are said to be gentle, and I know they put up with a lot of crap. My mother always loved unwanted attention from men, she flirted back and fed off of it.
I myself am much more modest and uncomfortable with such encounters. I grew up thinking it was OK for the attention and that I should bask in it and consider it a validation of my attractiveness and womanhood.
Fast forward to present day. My sister and I decide to go out one weekend for drinks and dancing with our Dad. Two men join our table that dad knows from the bar he frequents. They seem harmless enough, but one constantly lies to me about his age and agonizingly comments on how beautiful I am. No conversation had.
Dad leaves, my sister and I decide to dance, leaving said men at the table. All of a sudden the guy who lies about his age comes up behind me and starts dancing. (Note: I hate dancing with dudes. It’s gross). I try to move away and he immediately smacks my ass. It’s over, but I’m enraged. I give him a verbal lashing how that is never OK and force him to apologize. Although I did get an apology, I have a feeling he didn’t get the message.