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Bus stop at the corner of Nevada and Alabama, Bellingham. Red truck drove by and passenger yelled “damn!” out the window. Startled me.
This guy gave me creepy looks and said in a creepy voice, “mm sexy, I like, I like” as I walked past him on the street. I took a picture of the building he went in to. (the Hollaback I made right before this one). Then I turned the corner and was waiting for my friend that I was meeting, and who should come around the side of the building but my hollaing guy. He walked past me again, and made more comments, a little more disgusting this time (don’t remember exactly what he said). He was a mover and went to unload a truck. I walked right up to him and said, “oh hey, there you are! I was looking for you, let me get your picture! I’m going to put it on the internet and let everyone know what a creep and loser you are, since you have to go around hollering at women to make yourself feel good!” He mumbled something about “I just wanted to say hello.”
As I walked home from work this evening wearing jeans and a sweatshirt, a man walked toward me looking at me as if he had some sort of ownership over womankind. As we passed he said in a low voice, “You shaped like a black girl.” I shook my head as he passed, and I saw him leer at me from behind as well.
As the month of September draws to a close, many young students are already starting to focus on what their mid-term projects will be, coming to terms with that mystery meat served up in the cafeteria, and getting into the rhythm of heavy amounts of school work after a summer of freedom. This is the life of a typical middle-schooler, and it doesn’t seem to have changed that much over the last twenty years. But one thing has ~ the prevalence and viciousness of girls getting bullied by other girls. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a new phenomenon by any means, it’s just that it seems to be taking a particularly virulent form now. Dangerous, even, but not just physically. All of us probably remember either seeing or even being a party to bullying, even before we reached the relative sanity of high school or college, but there is a not-so-subtle difference. Young female students seem to be showing more aggressiveness toward each other, and now with the flourishing of social media, the ways that they can inflict harm have become more cruel, more public, than ever before.
Typically, when we think of bullying, the image of some poor kid being pushed around on the playground comes to mind, but girls as a cohort tend to bully each other in less physical ways, especially as they get older. Young girls are emerging into adulthood not only by growing in mental and physical maturity, but also by grappling with the all-important issues of body image, and it’s close cousin, self-esteem. They are more vulnerable and hence, susceptible, to all the messages that we and their peers are sending them about themselves every day. So it makes it incredibly easy for an insecure girl to hurt another girl’s feelings, to crush her already fragile self-confidence, especially when it comes to sexuality.
The teen world in many ways tries to mirror the gravitas of the adult world, and that can translate into damaging rumors being accepted as fact. Assaults on reputation, or character assassination, is one weapon which some girls may use, especially out of jealousy. Other common methods are ostracism and harassment, in the form of name-calling. These can work particularly well when used as a group, to gang up on their target. Although the threat to a girl of being bullied and harassed by a fellow male student is very real, most bullying of girls is perpetrated by other girls. Facebook-posted, texted, yelled, and whispered epithets like ‘slut,’ ‘bitch,’ and ‘whore’ can have long lasting effects on the psyche and future ability to form healthy relationships. And sadly, perhaps because many adults have either been subjected to this treatment, or they were perpetrators themselves, not enough has been done about it. Next week, we’ll take a look a some of the ways a girl can effectively fight back, from Facebook to in-person encounters, so that she can regain her power as an emerging woman.
I was walking with a friend about 5 feet behind another woman who was walking alone. As she walked by two men, one of them began to walk with her and was leaning into her very closely, as if he was going to kiss her. She began walking much more quickly and as she moved ahead of him, he reached out to her and squeezed her butt. She didn’t look back, but began running forward at that point. My friend and I, seeing what had happened, also began running so that we wouldn’t have a similar encounter.
My friend Arielle has never really been harassed before. We were walking, a group of four, around Union Square today, and we saw a man with a “Free Hugs” sign. One of my friends immediately ran up to him and hugged him with no assault involved. Arielle decided to get a hug, too. She hugged him, and I saw him thrust into her and grind. He asked her, “Do you like your new friend?” I said “Okay,” as a way to tell him that it was time to go. He didn’t let go, but Arielle broke free. He said, with a smile, “Bye, new friend!” and walked away. I asked her if he grinded her, to which she said yes, and that he “grinded her really hard.” We called the cops and immediately left. I hope for the sake of her that this scumbag is arrested.
It was around 9:30 this friday and I was starving so I had my mom wait in the parking lot while I ran in to get some food by McDonalds. As I was getting out a pack of guys started whistling at me and telling me “babe you look good”. I actually sprinted to my mom’s car. When I told my mom she FLIPPED out on ME and got into a traffic jam. She told me to just deal with it. I’m fourteen years old and this has been happening since I was twelve. Earlier this day on the train a guy kept blocking my path and telling me things like “mama come over here” and another guy was like “damn mama you look good”. These weren’t even guys, they were grown disgusting men. I’m so freaked out I try to avoid the train by all cost and I will never eat McDonalds again.
I was walking down the street around mid-day and a guy came right up to me and yelled in my face, “GIRL I WANT TO EAT YOUR [expletive conveying vagina].” I turned around as he walked by and said loudly, “EW!” and he kept walking. Another man who overheard just looked at me and laughed, as if this event was amusing to him. Gross. Proud to hollaback!
I was walking my dog at 7am. This man stuck his head out the window and made kissy noises as he drove past. He got stuck at a stoplight and I walked back to take his pic. He looked a little confused, and I yelled “you’re going on the internet creep!” I walked my dog down a different block in case he drove back around. Feels good to take back the power.