Appalachian Ohio, Athens GA, Atlanta, Berkeley, Baltimore, Boston, Chicago, Cleveland, Columbia MO, Columbus, Des Moines, Durham & Chapel Hill, East Lansing, Fredericksburgh VA, Houston, Los Angeles, Muncie IN, New York City, NYU, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Plattsburgh, Richmond VA, San Francisco, Tucson, Twin Cities
After a night out at a bar, we sometimes grab a poutine for the walk home. There is always a big crowd gathered and many people outside the restaurant eating their gravy and cheese covered fries. As we were leaving, we pass a group of guys dressed up in a variety of costumes. One guy, dressed in a mechanic’s jumper shouts at me as I pass by, “hey girl! Wanna see my dick? I know you want to!” I almost let it pass. Almost. I turned on my heels, looked straight at him, and slowly walked back towards him. “Sure,” I replied, as I stabbed at a fry. Now, my girlfriends were already ahead of me, but my boyfriend was a few feet away. I wouldn’t have done this if I was alone, but I knew I had back up if anything got out of hand. Now, this boy was not expecting a response. I stood there, in front of the late night food crowd, publicly calling this guy on his bluff. His friends were laughing, and the guy was getting nervous. “Oh you want to see it?” he says, “you wanna taste it too?” To which I lifted a fork-full of fries to my mouth and replied, “No, just your original offer will do.” He stood there, trying to think of what to do next. Then he tried backing out of it. “What if a cop sees me? I don’t want to get arrested” he says. “Oh really?” I reply. “Maybe you shouldn’t ask me if I want to see your penis if you’re not going to actually follow through. Or maybe it’s just too cold out tonight and your outtie has turned into an innie”. With that we walked away, and the roar of laughter from behind me assured me that boy would think twice before making that mistake again.
Up until now I’ve experienced the usual catcalls from the car,street,etc.I’ve even had people pull over and try to pick me up it just to stare or take a photo.A month ago I went to the park to draw and this old man (about 70) who was sitting at a different table was like “hello sweetheart.Are you an artist?” And I didn’t really know what to say and just nodded hoping he would just leave me alone.Nope he proceeded to come over and tell me how sweet and cute I was and repeatedly asked me my name,age (17),if I went there often and if I had a boyfriend. I just answered. I didn’t know what else to do. No one else was around except his friend and I am so afraid of making someone angry and having something worse happen. Then just before he finally left he said that I could think of him as a “father” and get his advice on things. I was so afraid the entire time,I don’t go to that park anymore. I felt and still feel thoroughly disgusted. I hardly ever leave the house anymore in fear of something similar happening.
I left my friend’s house at 11:30pm and started walking towards the metro station. The street was empty and the sky was dark. Halfway I see a group of young men standing along the opposite side of the street. I instantly know they are gonna say something. I look straight ahead and walk faster. As I pass them they yell at me: “Hey! Where are you going? Come stay with us.” “Nice legs!” “Hey, you could at least say hello!”. I just walk past as fast as I can.
Almost at the metro station I realize I forgot my bag with my metro card at my friend’s place. I walk back, and I realize too late I’m on the same side of the street where the boys are standing. They start yelling nonsense again. One of them goes: “Hey look at me!” just as I pass him. Instinctively I go: “Schhhhhhhh!”. They all laugh. I get to my friend’s place, I get my bag and voila: ready for the third round. I walk on the opposite side of the street this time and I look straight ahead again. As I approach them they start imitating me: “Scccccchhhhhhhhh! Schhhhhhhhhhh!” One of them yells: “Oh she really loves walking past us!” Another one goes: “Yeah, she’d really like to see our big dicks!”
I stop. I turn around and I walk slowly towards them until I stand in the middle of the empty street. They are all spread out on the sidewalk. May be nine or ten guys. They look at me in complete silence. I feel my heart beat very fast.
“Guys, I’m a girl. I’m alone. I’m walking to the metro station late at night. It’s dark. You’re ten guys. I am not being disrespectful to you. But you are to me. A lady..”
One of them goes: “Oh she’s a lady now!!” They all laugh, but they’re nervous.
“A lady, a woman, a girl, anybody should be able to walk in the specific street without being yelled at.”
One or two of the guys try to make they other ones laugh. One of the older guy says: “You should listen to her, you’re just idiots”
“Why do you scream this kind of stuff? Do you think I like it? NO! I don’t. I would never scream those things to anyone. Do you think girls start walking faster when they hear those things because they’re happy about it? Because they’re so impressed by you? Or because they’re flattered? Well I can tell you they arent’t. They’re FED UP with it.”
I walked away. They stayed silent. Since this happened I’ve constantly said STOP to every verbal harassment I’ve been subject to. Calmly and smiling I look the guys in the eyes and I tell them what they’re doing is disrespectful. If we all say STOP, it will stop.
One afternoon a few years ago when I was living downtown I was bringing groceries in through the back door of my apartment building and some guy, very scruffy and obviously drunk, came up behind me put his hand between my legs and squeezed. He was a with a woman who did nothing about this behavior. It was daylight and I was in a back alley way. It was so disgusting.
A few weeks ago I was traveling through the Amtrak station in Sacramento, late at night and found myself in a scary situation.
The station and platforms are connected by covered walkways and tunnels which are very creepy after dark. When I got off the train the conductor made a point of recommending that I head immediately to the station rather than waiting on the platforms. She knew that there would be men loitering on the platforms and that it would be dangerous or uncomfortable to wait there.
It takes a few minutes to get to the station and once I was in the tunnels I ended up alone with one group of passengers almost out of sight ahead and another group lagging behind—and this is when the guys who were hanging around started following me. One man followed me on the bike and then circled around me, making comments, telling me to smile and come with him. “Where are you going?” “Talk to me.” “Smile for me.” As I walked quickly towards the station and tried to brush him off he kept riding circles around me while four of his friends walked behind us and laughed. I felt trapped by the five of them and didn’t see anyone around who could have helped me if I confronted them.
I was able to shake them off when more passengers from the train caught up with us and was relieved to get to the station. There, a second conductor was advising women traveling alone or with young kids to walk to the platform in a large group or ride with him to avoid trouble.
It amazes me to think that this is a well known problem that has not been dealt with!! I wrote to Amtrak asking for information on this TWO WEEKS AGO but have had no response
— so what do I do next?
So I was at a hotel with family and we all decided to go to the pool they have there. It was pretty warm and for my coverup over my bathing suit I wore a pair of shorts and and a tank top. My mother and I were walking through this hotel (which is expensive as heck) and this boy probably about 15 whistles at me as I walk by.
I look and and his FATHER was right there standing by there and as I wait for him to reprimand him he instead high fives him and smiles at me. Which just goes to prove that harassment comes in all walks of life. Plus, I am only 13 years old.
A few days ago I was walking and minding my own business when two men did that “walk into her path” thing. You know the one, where they force you to walk into them or get you in a spot where it’s very easy to grab at you?
So to my left is a wall so I had to really work to not walk into them. They kept eye contact the whole time and tried to grab me. I pushed one of them (the one closest to me was about to reach for me) and yelled at them (I was furious, this is not the first time I’ve been in this situation, this same thing happened with one big man just a few months ago) and they just laughed at me! I can only assume they were laughing at what little power I had in the situation.
It makes me feel like it’s time to walk around with the mace cocked and loaded. I’m tired of being nice and doing the extra work to avoid these assholes. I am so SO angry and tired of this kind of thing. Whenever I choose to leave the house alone I have a 90% chance of being harassed. It’s ridiculous and infuriating.
I go to a “barcade” quite frequently. I usually go there tuesday nights and stay until closing. I can usually walk to my car, by myself, without being bothered. I usually only ask one of my friend to come with me if I parked farther away than usual. (I shouldn’t even have to do that, but women learn to fear the night. This is part of it)
One night when I was leaving, I was only parked a block away. There were three guys next to my car, but I didn’t think anything of it at first. I don’t normally fear groups of men right away. I was crossing the street when one shouted, “HEY, BABY! COME HERE!” I instantly panicked and walked inside another bar that was just about to close. That man was standing right next to my car, my escape, when he shouted at me. (good thing he didn’t know it was my car!) I told the bartender and another older gentleman what happened. They were disgusted, and the other older guy walked me to my car. The men were gone, but I was still scared, still paranoid.
For a few weeks, I had at least one of my friends (usually male. most of my friends are guys) walk me to my car even if it was a block away. I feared groups of strange men for a while, no matter what time of the day it was. I told them what happened, and they understood why I was scared, even though many of them are men, so they have never experienced the same kind of harassement. I know I’m not alone in experiencing this. My female friends have told me their stories too.
I’m lucky to have friends around me for support, and I’m lucky to know so many guys who understand that this is not right. The only thing is is that many of us don’t know what we can do about it. Now, thanks to you, there’s a way we can fight back!
I got out of the train station (in my hometown) and as I was walking on a main street, (my car was parked across the parking lot a block away), I saw a pickup truck slowly see me then make a right turn INTO the parking lot. I didnt think anything of it, but I was aware. I saw he made a stop (near where you purchase tickets) so I was alarmed because I only remember seeing the driver alone in the car.
Long story short he made a u-turn around the parking lot, parked for a few moments and as I walked passed him, he pulled up behind me, fucking following me! I panicked, called my mom and walked fast. As fast as I could I went inside my car and locked the doors. I tried to contain myself and saw he passed by me and I left my parking spot and got his license number and car information.
I called the cops but when they spoke to me they said there wasnt really anything they could do because “he only followed me, he didnt talk to me or anything just lurking around in his car, maybe he was just being a pervert.” They had his information, but they couldn’t really stop and question him. This is awful and it pisses me off, I wanted to share with you all my story.
This is my sad but true story.
Remember the recent rape cases in India? Or that little girl from Yemen (see link to video below)? Well, modern-day France is no better! When it is about street harassment and womens’s rights, we’re a third-world country in Prehistoric times (leave the Middle Ages alone, please, those were enlightened, underrated times). remember French women got the right to vote only AFTER the end of WWII. Sheesh… sad, but true.
Maybe i’m just like Alexander, the little boy who is having a “Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day”? I’m referring to the children’s book by Judith Viorst here. But I think not. It’s not about me, it’s about what has been done TO me for so many years now.
By the end of September 2013, the multiple assaults, by criminal or so-called “legal” ways, as well as every day street harassments, stalking and repeated rapes I have experienced as a single female living on her own in a French inner city (Montélimar, Drôme, France) will reach the point of 10 years.
I thereby wish this day, to end ALL of this once and for all before it really turns 10 years old. I’ve had more than enough! Last night I was stalked, harrassed and verbally assaulted three times by the same group of people, my poor and under-priviledged neighbors – they live in the building next to mine.
Included is a video I managed to record during the third assault. It is now online for the whole world to see on flickr: http://www.flickr.com/photos/teabutterfly/9369559276/
Please note: My harassers have been of all races and classes and colors and shapes these past 10 years believe me, they really do come from all parts of society, whether high or low, White and non-White, literate or not, strangers or close members of my family.
I *do* plan to (or already have done it) file official complaints against people who repeatly assaulted, harrassed, stalked and raped me in the past. The worst rapist? I filed a complaint against him on June 25th 2013 (he raped me repeatedly during a whole year, back in 2009, i was 37 at the time, very vulnerable and depressed – when I filed the complaint last June, the (female) police officer, a “capitaine de police” supposedly specially trained for this, immediately asked me “why did it take you so long to come over the police station and tell us about it?” Well… What kind of a question is that, anyway???! Most victims of rape never, EVER file a complaint or even mention it to the people closest to them because of fear/shame/guilt, so why did it take me oh-so-long to file an official complaint, I really wonder, plus at the time the repeated rape was taking place, I called the police at least 2 times, but they never showed up, brushing the whole thing off, thinking it was a matter of lovers quarrelling, not a rape going on, of course i never made that 4th call to the police, what was the point?).
I may file one or two other complaints some time soon, including to ask that the police officers involved get punished by their hierarchy for their very bad job protecting me and other women in the area, but not before I have moved to some other (much bigger) city far, far away from here (I think I might even move to another continent by 2015, that’s my plan anyway, I’ve always dreamed to visit the Asias and the Americas, anyway).
My survival plan right now is: get a big, nasty-looking dog (might calm some people down and will help me go back to exercising and feel confident in the streets again), get a pepper spray just-in-case AND learn how to use it, never leave home without loaded mobile phone set on a video camera, talk to friends and family a lot, testify on my personal blog, social media and hollaback. And remember, always: I have the right to be alive and be who i am. I also take time to enjoy life, read and laugh a lot, spend times with loved ones, take good care of myself, body and soul, time to reflect, to think, to marvel at the wonders of the world and to simply relax – as the song goes: “they can’t take that away from me”.
In closing: don’t shut ever up, record it all, testify, and watch this bold 11 yrs old online: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-J7_TKgw1To
The included photo is a selfie I took today, right after writing this – i still look beautiful and happy despite it all, don’t I? It drives my harassers crazy, to see me smling! So here am I on this picture gazing back at you unapologetically, with my tranquil smile… enjoy, my friends, wherever you are.