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The latest in one of so many of these situations was on my way home from Tufnell Park tube station. I walked past the pub just outside the tube where a man was smoking. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him look me up and down, make a noise of approval and decided the most appropriate comment was ‘ooo, ‘ello’. Lovely. I looked at him in disgust and carried on walking. I never like to reply to such people for fear of my safety even if it leaves me fuming.
One of the worst situations was coming home late at night from a party with 2 female friends, this was in Hales Place, Canterbury. A man on a bike came up level with us with his crown jewels in hand and started rubbing himself. He said ‘you girls look gagging for it’ and continued to follow us until he realised we wouldn’t give him a reaction.
Even when walking along holding hands with my 6 foot boyfriend doesn’t seem to put off some people. For example a car-full of teenage morons who decided to hang out of their windows, making rude gestures. On this occasion I decided to retaliate as not only did this offend me, but both of us as to sexually harrass a girl in front of her boyfriend just seems beyond rudeness. So I gave them the finger. Childish, but seemingly appropriate.
Although I had been harassed in the street prior to this incident this is the first time I felt frightened. Even though it was midday on a saturday and I was wearing baggy jeans and a t-shirt a man in a car decided to approach me, a then 15 year old girl on her own. As he slowed down next to me and said “Hey”, I stopped as I naively thought he might be looking for directions at he was at a dead end. He asked me if I was with anyone and I stupidly said I was alone. He went on to ask if I wanted a lift to wherever I was going, for my number, even though I was obviously underage. It ended when I speeded up walking away down a pedestrian only walkway so he couldn’t follow me. After this I felt scared and wondered what I had done to encourage such behavior. I felt guilty for talking to him, and for thinking he had innocent intentions. Now, as a twenty year old woman, I face harassment every day in the bar I work at and have no problem putting men back in their place! I know now where to draw the line when it comes to “friendly” conversations.
I was crossing the street and some mid 20 year old guy made fake orgasm sounds. >:(
I was in downtown Santa Cruz playing pool with my husband, my sister and her then-boyfriend, who is in the Army, stationed in Sacramento. The “boyfriend” kept calling other men “fags” and told my sister that he was “gonna rape your pussy tonight.”
I was so shocked I didn’t even know what to say. When I did speak up, I was laughed at for making a “deal” about it.
This isn’t funny and it never will be.
We later discovered that the guy was a con-artist who had scammed several women, including my sister for money.
Just yesterday, I went to a little corner store near my apartment, where I often pick up a few groceries. It was fairly empty, and I had to go into the back, which is around a corner and well out of sight of the front, where the lady at the cash register was. A man came and stood very close to me, and I walked away a bit. (more…)
The other day while returning home from the city centre on the bus (number 3 if you know it!) I was a victim of street harassment. As anyone living in a city in the UK knows at the back of a bus, on the top level, you will often find groups of young men smoking pot and playing loud irritating music from their phones. On this particular afternoon at 5pm I was walking down the bus isle to be confronted with a barrage of catcalls, starting with ‘that girls got ladders in her tights’ (maybe not overtly sexist or sexual but lets face they would never comment on a mans clothing in this way), this proceeded to more sexual comments ‘got a nice face though’ etc… This was a little intimidating and I decided to ignore them, as in this situation I felt totally powerless. However a girl in front of me on the bus starting confronting them saying ‘we’ve had to listen to you the whole journey and now your harassing a girl, a total stranger you don’t know’, this led to incredibly sexual and insulting remarks directed to her regarding her weight, sexuality, clothing from around eight young teenage boys, around the ages of 15-19. This resulted in a very loud slagging match across a busy bus. Without a doubt confronting these boys made the situation worse, and although I felt I should join her and stand up for myself I said nothing but thanked her and told her it was pointless. I did not want to face more abuse and insults, and frankly put myself in a dangerous position by starting an argument about street harassment. Immediately after this even a man behind me started to mutter things in my direction about slashing peoples faces open and how he had a gun. I feel slightly disappointed that I didn’t stand up for myself in front of these boys but this only would have given them fuel for more harassment. But unless women assert themselves how will it ever end. A catch 22.
The saddest thing about the entire experience was the fact the boys did not see anything wrong with their initial comments, saying things like ‘you don’t even know me girl, I’m not like that, I respect girls’. They did not see this as in anyway a type of sexual harassment.
I don’t have a car, so I spend a lot of time walking or riding the bus. My first memories of being honked at or yelled at while walking down the street go back to middle school, walking home in my own neighborhood. Now, I live about two blocks from a bus route I take regularly, and nearly every day I get honked at. I can’t even walk two blocks without harassment. Not as often, thank god, but often enough, men pull up next to me and want to know my name, my number, where I live, if they can give me a ride…. And every time I think, “does this ever work for you? who in their right mind would answer those kind of questions truthfully to this creepy man that pulled up next to them while they’re walking to school??” I don’t even know how many times I’ve heard “you want a ride, baby?” or “you got a boyfriend” or literally, “can I get yo numba?” from sketchy men of all ages and races trying to get in my pants.
I generally just say no to everything, and fortunately I’ve never had to really fight anyone off–some are more persistent than others but at least eventually give up. But what I’d really like to say is “f*** off” every time, but I’m afraid of inviting more trouble. I hate that I have to think about what I’m going to wear every time I have to ride the bus. I’ll get honked at anyway but it’s worse/more often when I’m wearing a dress or shorts. My economic situation and that I can’t afford a car does not give you license to sexually harass me. F*** off.
Just yesterday, I went to a little corner store near my apartment, where I often pick up a few groceries. It was fairly empty, and I had to go into the back, which is around a corner and well out of sight of the front, where the lady at the cash register was. A man came and stood very close to me, and I walked away a bit. He came very close again, and asked me if I was married. I laughed nervously and said no. He then asked if I was over 18 and what my name was. I accidentally said that I was over 18 but then pushed past him and left the store pretty fast (Also, he had been blocking my way). I wish I hadn’t answered any of his questions, and hope that in future I’ll move away as soon as I feel uncomfortable. I was back there today and saw him, and felt really unsafe. It sucks that now I will have to walk a bit farther to get food somewhere else.
For years now I have been deeply concerned by a yearly ritual verbal assault on women by a fraternity at Yale in my home town of New Haven. Every year the new pledges are gathered in front of the Women’s Center and told to chant phrases like, “No means yes, yes means anal”, “We love Yale sluts.” Imagine if you were visiting the center that day and were greeted by this. This went on for years with no repercussions for the offenders while the outrage of the Yale and local community was met with silence from the university’s administration and hostility and claims of entitlement from the offenders. You can look these instances up in the archives of The Yale Daily News as well as the New Haven Register. Though this year the university made some attempt at curtailing these behaviors, it is really too little too late. I hope this drives the point home that women are being attacked on every front. Not just in certain types of communities. In EVERY community. Please sisters… speak up and share your stories for the good of us all.
Yesterday, I was on the N Line going uptown a little before 3PM today (2:50-2:58?). I boarded on 57th and 7th. Right when I walked in I heard yelling. I had no idea what was going on, everyone in the car (it was a reasonably full car) was staring at a group of 6-7 african american teenage girls in the middle of the car.
I soon realized what was happening– after the victims that they had been yelling at had exited the car, they turned and came back in because a few of the girls were cussing them out (profanely). I saw the victims were a 20-something year old couple: an african american male and his asian girlfriend. It became evident that not only these teenagers were racist— but they saw this mixed-race couple and started an altercation, calling them names and insulting them (BOTH)– especially making fun of the asian girl’s accent.
It was a completely verbal argument, but one that could’ve easily turned physical in any other situation (example, like if the teens were boys, the victimized man may have tried physical retaliation). The victims turned back in after they taunted them after they had exited– but they couldn’t really do anything– they were visibly upset, but they did not/could not reciprocate appropriately.
I assume it was because these girls were all underage, and there was a large gang of them, even though they were just teenagers. Also, of course, there are no cops around and there’s no videocamera. There’s no accountability. Meanwhile, everyone was just staring. The girls yelled at them to get out of the car again, and as they left again, one of the girls wanted to get in the last word, she actually (opened?) the subway window and yelled the couple, “Don’t eat that Chinese p***y!!!!”. But the most terrible thing is that these teenagers liked the fight, they were laughing about the whole thing. My heart just ached for them.
When the doors closed again I realized I had walked into a bad situation– as I am acutally asian myself and I had walked to stand on the car just several feet away from them. I am pretty new to the NYC subway system (I only come in about once a month), so I had no idea what to do. Does each car have an intercom? I felt that if it did, someone on the car should’ve reported it. If the car didn’t have an intercom, it SHOULD. People need to be held accountable for their actions— especially ones of a racist nature. The only way to do that is either have a policeman/security stationed at each platform OR have live video feed OR have an intercom.
THIS was a case of second degree aggravated assault– a crime! But nothing could be done about it. The bystander effect was well in place— everyone (20 people, different races) were anxious and alert, but no one did anything. And once the aggravators have left the subway car, who knows where they will go?? And soon, all the witnesses will slowly disappear as well.
It was one of the saddest, most disturbing experiences– a car full of young racist children taunting and cussing out an older interracial couple, surrounded by passive adults. It disturbed me on such a deep level and I wondered if anyone else felt the same way. So many questions arise– how is it that 6 young girls could have so much hatred for not only another minority, but one of their own race? NYC is the most culturally diverse city in the world, isn’t it?
As I turned my back to leave for my stop near 60th & Park, one of the girls tried to throw a piece of garbage at the back of my head (completely unprovoked by me– which is why I say they must’ve provoked the prior incident). She missed, and I ignored it and I kicked it to the side. I left the car quickly, and they followed. They followed me up the stairs laughing and giggling and egging each other on to try to throw the garbage at my head again. This second time they succeeded. As my back was already turned to them, I ignored them. I keep wondering what else I could have done. What could I have said or done, if anything? As a bystander, or as a victim?
I can’t get this incident out of my head. It’s shaken me, no doubt. The MTA needs to get their act together. MTA + police need to establish rules of conduct for both victims and bystanders and a real system with subway car intercoms/live video feed/policemen at each station– an interception system for effectively catching perpetrators of crimes before leaving the subway station.