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I go to a “barcade” quite frequently. I usually go there tuesday nights and stay until closing. I can usually walk to my car, by myself, without being bothered. I usually only ask one of my friend to come with me if I parked farther away than usual. (I shouldn’t even have to do that, but women learn to fear the night. This is part of it)
One night when I was leaving, I was only parked a block away. There were three guys next to my car, but I didn’t think anything of it at first. I don’t normally fear groups of men right away. I was crossing the street when one shouted, “HEY, BABY! COME HERE!” I instantly panicked and walked inside another bar that was just about to close. That man was standing right next to my car, my escape, when he shouted at me. (good thing he didn’t know it was my car!) I told the bartender and another older gentleman what happened. They were disgusted, and the other older guy walked me to my car. The men were gone, but I was still scared, still paranoid.
For a few weeks, I had at least one of my friends (usually male. most of my friends are guys) walk me to my car even if it was a block away. I feared groups of strange men for a while, no matter what time of the day it was. I told them what happened, and they understood why I was scared, even though many of them are men, so they have never experienced the same kind of harassement. I know I’m not alone in experiencing this. My female friends have told me their stories too.
I’m lucky to have friends around me for support, and I’m lucky to know so many guys who understand that this is not right. The only thing is is that many of us don’t know what we can do about it. Now, thanks to you, there’s a way we can fight back!
I got out of the train station (in my hometown) and as I was walking on a main street, (my car was parked across the parking lot a block away), I saw a pickup truck slowly see me then make a right turn INTO the parking lot. I didnt think anything of it, but I was aware. I saw he made a stop (near where you purchase tickets) so I was alarmed because I only remember seeing the driver alone in the car.
Long story short he made a u-turn around the parking lot, parked for a few moments and as I walked passed him, he pulled up behind me, fucking following me! I panicked, called my mom and walked fast. As fast as I could I went inside my car and locked the doors. I tried to contain myself and saw he passed by me and I left my parking spot and got his license number and car information.
I called the cops but when they spoke to me they said there wasnt really anything they could do because “he only followed me, he didnt talk to me or anything just lurking around in his car, maybe he was just being a pervert.” They had his information, but they couldn’t really stop and question him. This is awful and it pisses me off, I wanted to share with you all my story.
This is my sad but true story.
Remember the recent rape cases in India? Or that little girl from Yemen (see link to video below)? Well, modern-day France is no better! When it is about street harassment and womens’s rights, we’re a third-world country in Prehistoric times (leave the Middle Ages alone, please, those were enlightened, underrated times). remember French women got the right to vote only AFTER the end of WWII. Sheesh… sad, but true.
Maybe i’m just like Alexander, the little boy who is having a “Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day”? I’m referring to the children’s book by Judith Viorst here. But I think not. It’s not about me, it’s about what has been done TO me for so many years now.
By the end of September 2013, the multiple assaults, by criminal or so-called “legal” ways, as well as every day street harassments, stalking and repeated rapes I have experienced as a single female living on her own in a French inner city (Montélimar, Drôme, France) will reach the point of 10 years.
I thereby wish this day, to end ALL of this once and for all before it really turns 10 years old. I’ve had more than enough! Last night I was stalked, harrassed and verbally assaulted three times by the same group of people, my poor and under-priviledged neighbors – they live in the building next to mine.
Included is a video I managed to record during the third assault. It is now online for the whole world to see on flickr: http://www.flickr.com/photos/teabutterfly/9369559276/
Please note: My harassers have been of all races and classes and colors and shapes these past 10 years believe me, they really do come from all parts of society, whether high or low, White and non-White, literate or not, strangers or close members of my family.
I *do* plan to (or already have done it) file official complaints against people who repeatly assaulted, harrassed, stalked and raped me in the past. The worst rapist? I filed a complaint against him on June 25th 2013 (he raped me repeatedly during a whole year, back in 2009, i was 37 at the time, very vulnerable and depressed – when I filed the complaint last June, the (female) police officer, a “capitaine de police” supposedly specially trained for this, immediately asked me “why did it take you so long to come over the police station and tell us about it?” Well… What kind of a question is that, anyway???! Most victims of rape never, EVER file a complaint or even mention it to the people closest to them because of fear/shame/guilt, so why did it take me oh-so-long to file an official complaint, I really wonder, plus at the time the repeated rape was taking place, I called the police at least 2 times, but they never showed up, brushing the whole thing off, thinking it was a matter of lovers quarrelling, not a rape going on, of course i never made that 4th call to the police, what was the point?).
I may file one or two other complaints some time soon, including to ask that the police officers involved get punished by their hierarchy for their very bad job protecting me and other women in the area, but not before I have moved to some other (much bigger) city far, far away from here (I think I might even move to another continent by 2015, that’s my plan anyway, I’ve always dreamed to visit the Asias and the Americas, anyway).
My survival plan right now is: get a big, nasty-looking dog (might calm some people down and will help me go back to exercising and feel confident in the streets again), get a pepper spray just-in-case AND learn how to use it, never leave home without loaded mobile phone set on a video camera, talk to friends and family a lot, testify on my personal blog, social media and hollaback. And remember, always: I have the right to be alive and be who i am. I also take time to enjoy life, read and laugh a lot, spend times with loved ones, take good care of myself, body and soul, time to reflect, to think, to marvel at the wonders of the world and to simply relax – as the song goes: “they can’t take that away from me”.
In closing: don’t shut ever up, record it all, testify, and watch this bold 11 yrs old online: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-J7_TKgw1To
The included photo is a selfie I took today, right after writing this – i still look beautiful and happy despite it all, don’t I? It drives my harassers crazy, to see me smling! So here am I on this picture gazing back at you unapologetically, with my tranquil smile… enjoy, my friends, wherever you are.
I am visiting Santa Fe for a wedding. While my boyfriend and his friends were out at the bachelor party, I decided to take a walk to stretch my legs and explore the town square. I’m wearing a track jacket, unflattering shorts and dirty hair. I got some ice cream and picked up the local alt weekly. On the walk home, a car full of dudes pulled up beside me. It was very dark and I couldn’t see them. One yelled, “Yo, you have some sexy legs, what time do they open?” It startled me and made me mad, so I flipped them off. One yelled something about me sticking my middle finger in my ass. They rounded the corner of the block I was walking on, and one yelled, “When can I hit it?” as they disappeared.
I flashed back to a time when I was a young teenager and a harasser had circled the block while I was taking a walk. It really scared me, so I ran as far as I could, hoping I could beat them before they circled the block. They didn’t come back, but I went home alone and freaked out.
I stopped at Walgreens before a dressy event, and I was in a short dress and high heels. Before I crossed half of the parking lot, someone leaned out of his parked car, honked the horn, and yelled “hey baby!” I glared at him and said “NO.” A few seconds later he repeated himself and I said “that is not okay” and continued in.
When I came out, he was still there, and yelled something like “how you doin?” At this point, I stopped and walked toward him (I know, I know–I was livid but shouldn’t have approached). I said “Don’t do that. It is not flattering for you to yell at me from across a parking lot when I’m walking by myself. It’s creepy.” Of course he had some lame excuse about thinking I was someone he knew, and said I was overreacting anyway.
After returning a car I used for work, I was walking home at 10pm through my usually safe urban-residential neighborhood. A car came speeding around the corner, and the guy driving (about 19 years old, with a bunch of other guys in the car) looks at me and yells out the window, “Fuck you, you fucking bitch!” I was just walking down the sidewalk in a running jacket and a long skirt. I don’t take this personally but hate that attacking women on their own on the sidewalk at night is his way to show off to his friends how high or callous he is.
I don’t have a car, so I ride my bike home from work everyday. On my way home I was stopped by a red light in the left hand turn lane, and some guy in a truck pulled up next to me in the straight lane. He looked over at me and says, “Hey, you’re pretty. What’s your name?”
I had NO idea who this guy was, so I waited a few seconds, eyes still on the light to see if it would turn green, and then hes says, “Hey-”
I look over at him, push my sunglasses down far enough so he can see my eyes, glare at him for a half second, then replace my sunglasses and resume looking at the light. He didn’t say another word.
I got honked at by a greasy frat boy in a beat-up car while walking home from my summer camp. I am thirteen years old and I look like it. I’m glad he didn’t try to shout anything out the car window at me, but afterwards I felt so violated and helpless and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.
I was simply walking home from grocery shopping, only two blocks from my home, when a man in a car pulled out of the parking lot I was walking past and began making kissing sounds towards me. Internally flustered and appalled, I continued to walk without paying him any attention. Only days before this, my girlfriend and I were walking to the metro holding hands when a man whistled at us and yelled “Can I join? Get in between ya?” Both my partner and I felt disgusted, sickened and violated.
I do not exist for your viewing pleasure. No one does.
Took cab ride from 3rd & Market to 2nd & Tasker. At the end of my ride, I paid cabbie plus tip and proceeded to try and leave the cab. But the cabbie had locked the door. So as I struggled to open the door…
I said: “could you please open the door?”
Cabbie said: “say baby”
I continued to try and lift door lock myself but he had his hand on the front seat lock button or something.
Cabbie said: “wait… say, open the door baby please.”
I said: “open the door please”
Cabbie said: “no you have to say the whole thing with baby”
I said: “open the door baby please”
Cabbie unlocked the door and I got out.
This was very humiliating, degrading, scary and completely illegal to keep someone against their will. I never thought about the power dynamic while getting a cab ride. That being said…
I did not get cab company name
I did not get cab number
I did not get license
I know.. not good. These things all escaped my thought process at the time, was just trying to get out of cab.
It was reported to police and documented so if this happens to anyone else please, if you remember, note any information that you can and report it.
I am going to start taking quick pic of cab number every time I take a ride at the “beginning” of every ride.