Appalachian Ohio, Athens GA, Atlanta, Berkeley, Baltimore, Boston, Chicago, Cleveland, Columbia MO, Columbus, Des Moines, Durham & Chapel Hill, East Lansing, Fredericksburgh VA, Houston, Los Angeles, Muncie IN, New York City, NYU, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Plattsburgh, Richmond VA, San Francisco, Tucson, Twin Cities
I am not beautiful, that I know, but I also know I am no victim. I was walking home from getting dinner, a five minute maybe 100 yard walk and I was surrounded by four drunk guys. They started yelling things like “hideous bitch,””you’re so f*cking manly, people who look like you shouldn’t exist on this earth,” etc. Unfortunately for the last few weeks, I had gotten this verbal abuse before but this night it escalated. I remained stoic, just enduring until it was over as I usually do. That was until they kicked me in the back of the knees. As I was getting back up, another one of them took a swing to my gut, and before I could react another threw a punch at my jaw. They ran away laughing hysterically. I lost a lot that day, but I would lose more. I’ve dealt with verbal abuse like this in the past but the consistency of it and the culmination of the assault was too much this time. I plummeted into a deep depression. This, not during the assault, was when my life got exponentially worse.
Depression, to say the least, takes a toll, and mine was severe. I alienated myself from my friends, as I did not tell anyone what had happened to me. I became a person that the depression made me, an anti-me. Instead of being chill and just going with the flow, I became somewhat paranoid and was convinced that something was inherently wrong with me that I would get such constant, violent attention. I became someone I hated, every day I woke up hating myself. That was the depression. It took my beliefs, my identity, my ambition, my soul, and my life.
My friends left. I assume they didn’t understand, and I was giving them no explanation. My relationship left, citing that we weren’t working anymore. I became even more alone than I already felt. I became completely alone.
I had lost myself, and everything identifying me as myself and there was seemingly no end to pain in my life. I was lost and alone.
I’m a strong person, or at least I was. I am a trained kick boxer but this all happened so fast and I never thought it would escalate into assault. I returned to the place of my assault yesterday, as a fresh face as I like to think, due to a lot of endless work over the summer, that I am somewhat depression free. I returned to this place. I returned to my school, where I still have a year left, and I felt great pain. I felt great betrayal.
I didn’t ask to be depressed, I didn’t ask to be assaulted, and I didn’t ask to be abandoned but it happened.
Am I stronger today because of it? Maybe. But probably not quite yet.
I was walking back to my apartment downtown after a grocery run when I passed a parked car. I was tired from the walk, carrying my heavy bags of groceries and just wanted to get home. But as I walked past the car, I heard a guy’s voice saying, “You’re hot.” He said something before that but I wasn’t paying attention and missed it. Before I could even turn around to see where the catcall was coming from, a girl in the driver’s seat shouted, “Hey! My brother’s talking to you!” as if that made me obligated to respond in some way.
I wish I could’ve thought of something to say back, but I was really taken off-guard and just wanted to get home. It made me really upset for a few reasons. First, I find catcalling to be degrading, misogynistic and generally a tool men use to assert dominance and make females feel small. But I was especially upset because the girl in the driver’s seat, his sister, was an accomplice in the harassment of a fellow woman. I don’t know if this girl has to deal with street harassment on a daily basis the way I do, but it pained me that she would encourage his behavior instead of scolding him for his disrespect toward me and women in general. In addition, I take offense to the idea that just because a man is talking to me that I am somehow obliged to listen. Give me a break. Was I supposed to just stand there with my armful of groceries in the middle of the night and take his BS because it’s my place to do so as a woman?
In the end, I just kept walking and tuned the two out. I wish I could have thought of something to hollaback.
Also, this was just a few minutes after a guy in a big truck honked his horn at me and stuck his head out of the window of his car to smile at me suggestively. Twice in one night, and to have a girl encourage her brother? Gross.
Today I was harassed. My harasser thought he was doing me a favour by slapping my ass and telling me how good I looked in my shorts. “It’s a compliment!” He said.
I asked him if he liked harassing women. I asked him if it made him feel like a bigger person to belittle me without knowing anything about me, my opinions, my life. “It was JUST a compliment!” He said.
I told him his version of a compliment was fucked in all directions. I told him that this wouldn’t go under the rug, like so many experiences like this I’ve had before.
He started walking away, I was making a big scene. I started stopping women on University Ave, asking them if they have ever been harassed by this man? None were, and if they were they never told me. I yelled to sisters further up the street to watch out for that 45 year old in the orange shirt with the beer gut. “He harasses women!” I screamed.
He slinked around the corner and away, tail between his legs.
I am livid, hurt, vulnerable and in desperate need of reassurance
This shouldn’t have to happen…to anyone!
If it wasn’t for Hollaback! I would have never had the guts to stand up and say something. I hope this humiliation is something he carries with him everywhere he goes…
Due to flooding, the street where I work has been unusually backed up. I have to walk about ten minutes from the parking lot to my office. This has led to what I refer to as the “catwalk gauntlet.” Men leaning out of their cars, asking for my name, if I have a boyfriend, where I am going, and commenting on my appearance.
today was a beautiful hot summer day, and I was wearing a skirt (with shorts underneath) and a tank top and enjoying the sunshine as I biked around doing my errands. First I got a whistle from a passing truck, which I ignored, then a man approaching in the opposite direction on a bike looked at me, laughed, and yelled “skank!” I was too shocked to give him the finger until it was a little too late.
I was studying abroad in Mexico and got lost trying to find my way back from an internet cafe to the house where I was staying. Two men on bikes groped the shit out of my ass and my breasts, and then sped away laughing. I felt incredibly violated and absolutely furious.
On September 6, 2011, I was driving to Lexington for groceries and, at the Fayette County line, noticed that a small blue Dodge with four young men (probably early-mid 20s) were yelling something about fucking me, laughing, and making gestures. I am a middle aged woman. Each time I sped up or slowed down, the Dodge car full of men shouting things that sounded like threats of sexual assault did the same until finally I slowed nearly to a stop shortly before Man O’ War Blvd. The blue car pulled in front of me and then turned right onto Man O’ War.
A male neighbor who moved here from a different state recently complained to me about the way men look at and speak to his wife. Since I’ve always lived here and pay little attention to other people unless I feel threatened, I was confused, but after he talked about some things that had happened I started paying attention. Then this happened: a perfect example of what he was talking about. I was confused, angry, and frightened by the young men following me in traffic and shouting about fucking me. I know that they may not have actually intended to assault me, and that if they did they probably didn’t care that I am probably older than some of their mothers.
As a survivor of sexual assault, I moved away from Lexington, a small city, to feel safer. While I’m not still afraid, I’m infuriated. I didn’t get the number of the license plate on the car or what sort of Dodge it was, but I hope that when those men do this again – and I think they will – the next woman gets the information and calls the police. I hope they’re arrested before their threats escalate into rape.
I was finishing up a walk with my dog at about 7pm Friday evening. We were coming down Friendship Ave in the Friendship/East Liberty neighborhood of Pittsburgh, heading toward S. Negley Ave. As we approached this intersection, two mean in their 30s crossed from the other side of Friendship Ave. One appeared to ignore me as they passed. The other licked his lips at me, then made kissing noises, leering at me. “Hey sexy mama” he said as he passed. When I reached the corner, I turned my dog down Stratford, away the home stretch to my building. The guy yelled at me “You got a pitt bull” as we continued on. I took my dog an extra two blocks out of the way, and then back, because I was afraid this guy would see where I live, and I live alone. This is far from the first time I’ve been openly harassed on the street since moving to the city a few months ago. I wanted to vomit right there. I’ve worked so hard to lose over 20 lbs this year, and being treated like this makes me feel disgusting. I wish I could yell back at them, think of something to say, that there was someone else around to hear it and encourage me. But I’m always too afraid of what they might do to me then, if they’re brazen enough to harass me in the first place.
I was walking home from work on a friday night from Broadbeach to Pacific Fair, and on my way is Jupiters Casino. I manage a resturant so it would have been around 11:30pm and the casino was teeming with people. Anyway these 3 guys as I was walking past whistled at me, which I ignored and then screamed out “Show me your tits baby you’re looking hot tonight” to which i replied “F*&k off”, the two other men laughed but the other guy said “Whatever you frigid c*$t”
I have been a member of the CouchSurfing community for more than five years. In that time I’ve gotten a few messages that could be considered slightly suggestive. Yesterday I received a completely revolting message from a might-as-well-be anonymous CSer who is clearly there to abuse the system as he has no friends, no recommendations and no photos and yet has “been a member” for almost a year. I reported his profile and both messages he sent me. Below are his messages and my responses.
Frank: “After looking at your pictures I have resolved to buy you a an extra large heavy duty bag and throw it over your entire body because you are the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen in my life. Any man who would look at you would want you for a wife! You can only marry one man at a time or even bed one man at a time! If you reject any of then they must accept No! Come on girl be reasonable! I am not saying that any man should take advantage of you by getting you drunk or hitting you over the head; however it is going to happen time and again unless you wear a large bag over your entire body! You are the most desired commodity in the world ever. You are finer than Gold! You are also worth way more. If you would be mine I’d give all my Gold away! That’s it become a gold digger and get you a huge bag made out of gold to hide under! God bless you and please be mine!”
Me: “You’re a fucking skeezer man. Trolling a feminist with threats of “bride kidnapping” because “you’re so hot I can’t control myself” is fucking pathetic. This website and this project were designed to bring travelers from all over the world together when hotels get too expensive, not to give you an easy way to harass strange women. Obviously you didn’t care enough to read anything on my profile before you sent me this disgusting, misogynistic message or you’d know I already have a partner. Not that I would ever consider “being” anyone’s who felt it’s ok to see women merely as objects to possess. Fuck off sleezebag.”
Frank: “All I am saying is that you can not avoid abuse because all that scum where you live will make a rodeo out of you if you don’t wear a large trash bag to shield your body or if you give into their demands. I am not saying it’s right and if I was there I would kick their ass and protect you like a brother. All I am saying is that you have to wear a bag over your head to keep men from wanting you or even molesting you other wise those Texans will get while the getting’s good. Damn those Yankee Masonic fuck boys to hell! I mean come on you are the most beautiful woman who ever lived! What are the chances that you will be raped over and over again! Its not like your a dog! You have been raped before because you are so fine thus the anger! And thus this has caused you to create this site. I am sorry that it has happened to you. I love you and I respect you and I am 100% pro women’s rights. Darling I love you more than anything in the world! Your wish is my command! Look the price of Gold is sky high and you could make a lot of cash manipulating someone like me!
In the the entire world. Men who drink may rape you in fits of insanity and what else can you do other than hide your perfectness under a bag! I would never take whats not afforded me!”
Me: “Telling someone who has been raped that it’s her fault is the lowest thing you can do. You obviously have no human decency if you’re throwing around the word rape trying to compliment someone. Do everyone a favor and only speak when spoken to. And do not contact me again.”