I was with a group of friends and our children at the Washington National’s baseball game this evening. This man sat directly behind us with some of his friends. Everytime a woman walked up the step aisle he would comment on her breasts or what he would like to do to her. Throughout the game he spoke about being so horny that he could impregnate all of the women in the stadium. He also mentioned that he needed a good blow job and thought he saw some potential givers. As I glanced back at him and the man he was sharing his thoughts with, he grabbed his crotch as if indicating he had an erection. Disgusting.
Hi everyone, I’m from Rio de Janeiro and I should confess that I feel ashamed of writing about this kind of thing. My family always tells me that I’m acting like a kid and that I need to grow up when I tell them that someone called something in the streets so I’m afraid that my situation might be so ridiculous compared to the other ones in the site that everyone will laugh at me. Even my friends laughed when i told them about these things, so i just gave up trying, but I’ll try to talk about it now here. I don’t know if anyone will read it until the end, since it will probably be a looong post, but there I go:
I just experience this kind of thing rarely because I’m not really beautiful, but it still happens.
The first time I was only 16 years old. I was walking together with my friends in the street and a man looked at me and said “what a nice big pussy!” and walked away laughing. It was the first time this kind of thing happened so the first thing I did was looking to my friends to see if they noticed it. I wasn’t worried about the man, I was worried that my friends would notice it and start making fun of me. Luckily, they didn’t so I feel relieved, but I still think of that day, I’m still ashamed of it and it always makes me cry because it really surprised me.
After that I was more or less prepared for when it would happen again, so even if I heard any whistles I would be just “nah…” and ignore it.
Now I’m 22 years old and it started happen again and more frequently because I have a job and I wear a uniform. It’s a normal uniform, but the shirt is tight so it make my body look really sexy. I actually like the way it makes me feel beautiful but, unfortunally, it also makes the guys think they have the right to say everything they want to me.
In my frist week working, an old man passing by told me “hi, beauty!” I was really happy because I saw it as a compliment and not everyone calls me beauty so I was all “yay, I’m beautiful!” and I had a really happy day. So naive. It happened a lot of times after that, but that was the only time it sounded like a compliment, because the next time it was “dirty bitch”, and then “let’s go to my home” and “so hooot”.
I even told my best friend about it and how I hated this kind of thing. Wanna know what she said? She said “stop it, I know you’re not really mad, you love it. Yeah, you always wanted someone to call you beauty and now people are doing it, so I know you’re happy, you just want to show off.” MY. BEST. FRIEND.
I learned how to ignore these people, but then the guy that works in the petshop near my house started to do it too.
You see, the petshop is located between my house and the bus stop, so I need to pass by it everyday, and EVERY SINGLE DAY that guy that works there would whistle to me. At first I just ignored it, but then he started to send me kisses too. The petshop has two front doors to the same area, so I pass in front of one, then a wall, and then the other one, so I always heard the whistles and the kissed two times. I told my mom and my co-workers about it and asked what I should do, but my mom told me to stop acting like an idiot, that there was a good thing if someone really sent me kisses, that would just mean that I’m beautiful. My co-works said the same, one even said “poor guy, he just wants to be your friend!” It was terrible to hear it, so I decided to not tell anything about it anymore until I was sure I was right.
Since I thought he could just be playing with the animals in the petshop, I decided to try something: I would pass the first door and, if I heard any whistles, I would stop in the wall and wait to see if he was sending it for me only or for the animals.
The next day, I did exactly like I’ve planned. As I walked by the first door, I heard the whistles, and then I waited in the wall. I didn’t heard it again, he definitely wasn’t playing with the animals. So I passed by the second door and I heard it. Kisses and whistles. I decided I would be strong and end it by myself, so I entered the petshop and confronted him. I said “can you please stop sending kisses and whistling at me?” He replied like “No, I was just playing with the birds, you’re mistaking it.” He said it laughing, clearly having fun. There was another guy nearby and he was laughing too. That made me cry. I started crying in the front of the guy, but I refused to go away. Even crying, I was still trying to make him stop, so I told him “do you know that I’m a customer here? My mom always come here with our dog. If you don’t stop it, I’ll call her and she will talk to the manager!”
Clearly I lost the fight as soon as I started crying, because now he was laughing a lot and saying “call her! Call you mom! Ahahahaha.” I probably shouldn’t use the “I’ll call my mom” sentence, but I did anyway and lost the fight, but I didn’t gave up and rushed home to do exactly what I told I was going to do. Yes, I called my mom.
As soon as I was home, I called her crying but still smiling. I was smiling because my mom was a really good customer and I was SO SURE she would go there and tell the manager what he was doing. So, I told her everything, that I confronted him and that I told she was going there to talk with the manager and…haha, she started yelling at me. That I was embarrassing her, that I was acting like a ridiculous kid, that, oh my god, how would she buy things for the dog now that I’ve made such a scene in the petshop?
I was so mad that we started fighting, me and mom. In the end, I cried all the night and my mom, she went to the petshop in the same day but she just asked the guy to forgive me for being such a kid. Oh, the good thing: the guy said “it’s ok, these kind of things happens sometimes” (I know because she told me later, and also said a “see? he forgave you, so don’t do these things again.”)
But I didn’t gave up (now, that’s the part of the story that makes me proud of myself). I saw too many Law and Order SVU episodes to know that this kind of thing can eventually turn into a bad situation for me, especially if the guy now knows that my mom thinks I’m acting like a spoiled kid. Since my mom wasn’t with me, I knew who would be: my dad. See, if they were calling me a kid, then I decided to act like a kid. The next day, when I passed in front of the petshop and the thing happened again, I called my dad crying and asked him to come home as soon as possible because something happened and no one would help me. My mom got really mad to see me calling my dad, but I didn’t care and told her “if you’re not going to help me, my dad will!”.
As soon as he got home, I explained him the situation. I told him about my co-workers, my mom, the guys laughing, everything. He just said “don’t worry, tomorrow you can go work normally because, when you come home, everything will be ok.”
I don’t know what my dad did, but the guy never dared to whistle or send me kisses again, and he also walks away fast when I pass by, so I assume my dad said something really hard to the guy, but he sure deserved it and I’m almost sure he won’t dare doing this kind of thing again with me or anyone.
After that I was really happy with the results and I definitely won’t let anyone do this kind of thing with me again. I was sad that my mom and friends didn’t understand, but I was happy I had my dad to help me.
It’s good to have someone to help you, but my dad won’t be here everytime to help me, and even my dad said “you’re a beautiful girl so this kind of thing will happen sometimes, you’ll need to learn how to ignore it.” So he also thinks it’s a normal thing.
The thing is, even if everything is ok now, I’m still ashamed. I cried in the front of a guy and he laughed. My mom said it was normal and that I was the weird one for complaining. My friend thinks I like it. And, oh, my co-workers…after everything was solved, I told them about my dad and that he scared the guy. The answer? They said “this way you will never get a boyfriend. Girls get boyfriends when a cute guy in the street tell them that they’re beautiful and they start to know each other. You need to stop being so boring.”
It’s sad to see a woman who thinks that I shouldn’t be mad at men harassing me because they are all potential boyfriends.
Ah, and about the guy who told me once I have a “nice big pussy”, I recently encountered him again here, near my work. I didn’t know him, so how do I know it was him? Because he said the same thing the exactly same way. If he happens to appear here again, I’ll finally be able to answer him properly, even if I cry.
Thanks, you who’ve spent your time reading it. I opened and closed this window a few times before I decided writing because I was really ashamed of these situations, but while I was typing I got more confident..
I’m happy I’ve found this site because, until now, I really believed that I was wrong. I really believed I did something wrong by calling my dad and making my mom feel unconfortable for a little thing that happens to everyone. I’m happy to know that there are other girls here that will understand my situation and that won’t make me feel bad for asking for respect, even if it’s just about a little thing like a whistle.
I was walking around the downtown area and was shouted at by three different men, separately. One of them asserted that I was “thick.” I felt as if I were being publicly shamed for having the physiological features I could not help but be born with. For the rest of the day I thought about those feelings of shame and humiliation. I felt powerless and depressed about my position as a woman in society. Projects like ihollaback.org replace those feelings of powerlessness with empowerment. I will be using this site in the gender class I’ll be instructing this semester in hopes of empowering more people, regardless of gender, to take a stand against street harassment.
I am not big headed in anyway at all. I am 20 years old and I would say I have a decent, pretty face so as most women, I get the wolf whistle ‘alright love’ and the occasional ‘excuse me miss’.. The line that was used tonight.
So I have been dating a guy for a few months who lives in the area, had a nice meal out and he got me a cab to the station so I could catch my train home when we were done. Considering the time of the journey from the cab to the platform was about a 30 second walk, I didn’t think there was much chance of getting stopped on my way. However, I turn the corner and a black Merc drives past ‘Oi miss, excuse me miss’ I didn’t look up just kept walking past, past a little bar where people could obviously see what was happening. Next thing I know the car is right next to me as I am walking, I said ‘drive on I’m not interested’ when they really started going nuts, shouting horrible things. ‘You’re fat, stupid sket, go to the fucking gym, your just any fat mans chick, you’re not even wearing Loboutins’.
I was laughing in my head because yes I have a few extra pounds however I am not fat and even if I was than that’s my decision, I’m not a ‘sket’ I am extremely respectful and cautious and Loboutins? Oh sorry that there are a million of other shoes to choose from in the world and I do actually own a pair for nice occasions, not for Brixton!
Thinking about it now, I wish I would have gone up to the car and told him and his friends about themselves but to be honest, after being in an abusive relationship before, I knew the dangers and I truthfully, I was already intimidated and scared.
I understand it was late and it was Brixton. But that shouldn’t happen and I shouldn’t have to feel like this!
An older man exposed himself this morning as I was walking my dog on Benton and 40th Street, NW in Washington DC. He was wearing a white t-shirt, khaki shorts, and hiking boots and had a small back pack. I called and reported it to the police, please do the same if you encounter this creeper. I should be able to walk my dog in the morning before going to work without having to deal with that.
I was removing special parking signs for an event as part of my student job when a car pulls up and stops at the light. The passenger yells out to me, “Hey, do you come with the ‘Special Event'”? I said no and started to walk away and he yelled out, “Aw, man! That’s too bad!” I am not an item to be given away at any event. I am not a happy meal toy. I am a human being.
I just witnessed and was the subject of harassment on the bus that was the worst I’ve seen yet. Three guys and a girl were travelling together, they seemed homeless. One of the guys was old and seemed drunk and touched her ear. She told him to stop and he said “That is not the only part of you I’ll touch.” Earlier I had overheard her say how she was going to lock herself in one of the rooms when they got where they were going to sleep at. She defended herself to that guy when he called her bitch. One of the guys is her boyfriend it seems, and both the other guys seemed nice enough but I wish they would have said something! I wish I would have said something. The guy then stood around where I was and lets just say made a lewd gesture. Then he went back over where she was talked to her, touching her knee, leaning into her personal space. “Back up!” she said.
I was waiting for the streetcar, minding my own business, when a guy came around asking everyone at the stop for change. I didn’t have any but I gave him a cigarette. He then stood too close to me, stared down my shirt and proceeded to bug me.
Where was I going? What were my plans? Where did I live, did I have a boyfriend, would I date him…the usual stuff.
I answered in monosyllables and angled my body away from him, hoping my streetcar would hurry up and get there when he reached out and grabbed my breasts. I was flabbergasted and too shocked to react. Eventually I took a step back, laughed (that horrible nervous laugh) and told him that what he’d just done wasn’t cool. He brushed it off, as I put my coat on and did it up. He then continued to bug me for a date, and to know where I was going. My streetcar finally showed up and I fled.
Of course, that’s when the shaking and the anger kicked in. I was so mad that I didn’t push him, or shout him down.
A week later I was back at that streetcar stop and lo and behold, here comes buddy, asking people for change again. He started with me and I took a step back, raised my voice so everyone could hear me and said, “You’re that guy who grabbed my boobs last week!”
People turned around to listen, headphones came out. I was on a roll.
“No, I’ve never met you,” he said.
“I remember you,” I said, “you were wearing the same jacket, and you have the same douchey neck tattoo you had last week. You don’t remember me because you were staring at my tits the whole time.”
He tried to respond and which point I put my headphones in and said, over his protests, “I don’t want to talk to you. No. Step away from me. Step away from me right now.”
He did and realizing he wasn’t going to get any support (or change) from my fellow public transportation patrons, he fled.
I was driving along bopping to my music with the windows down when I drove through this intersection. A construction worker was standing in the street directing traffic and as I drove past him he decided to call out to me “Haaay beautiful.”
Was watching Brave at the movies. Was wearing shorts, cause hey, it’s hot out. Creeper in the seat in front of us was turned around through half the movie, staring in my general direction. I SWEAR he had his hand in his pants. And he wasn’t sleeping– I saw him blinking. Disgusting! I tried to get a pic of his creeping face, but my phone’s camera sucks. I had to use my purse to cover my legs, and that deterred him a little, but not well enough. Gross.