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I was on light rail with my bike, and a tall 30-something drunk (reeking of booze) guy came up to me: “you is so motha fuckin cute. yo eyes go. they goooooo” I said thanks and looked away. I was wearing headphones, I hoped he would get the memo. He then proceeded to poke my stomach “oh I thought you was fat you just wearin a big shirt” I told him not to touch me and continued looking the other way, (with an incredibly annoyed face on) He then grabs a lock of my hair and tells me I look like a porn star. I backed up and was caught between my bike, someone else’s bike, and the stairs to the car door. He was at least a foot and a half taller than me. He continued to stare at me and I told him to please leave me alone. He started rambling slurs and curse words and moved up the train. I noticed him heckling some girls that had just got on after the high school. The train car was full of witnesses, older, bigger people who could have said something to him when he touched me and grabbed my hair but no one did.
Not a great start to the day. At 9am I’m standing waiting for the crosswalk at a busy intersection in my town and this kid (maybe 18 or 19) is leaning up against a wall and he starts saying “You’re sexy…What are you up to…We should hang out sometime”. Kind of repeating this over and over. The area was filled with people all going about their business. So I called him out- loudly – and told him to leave me alone. It made a scene and got everyone’s attention.
I know sometimes it’s dangerous to try to stand up for yourself, when you’re one on one with a harasser. But when someone’s victimizing you like that they want to feel tougher and more in control than you. But, when there’s a crowd of people on your side- you take back control!
Stopped into a pub for a nightcap and some food after attending a fun lecture elsewhere. I used to feel safe at this neighborhood pub but things have changed. I sat at the far end of the bar where there are no gambling machines and drank my wine. Drunk guy comes over from mid bar to tell me “how pretty I am”. “Thank you. I have a boyfriend”. He leaves for a minute but comes back protesting to his friend “how pretty I am”. Clearly not caring that I don’t wish to talk to him at all! “please leave me alone” I say and I get up and go to the bathroom – hoping he will go sit down and leave me alone. After spending extra time in the bathroom I come back out. He’s still there! The random guy next to me tells him to leave me alone. I ask for my check and prepare to leave. He keeps trying to talk to me. After having asked three times and being frustrated I took my purse and hit him in the head with it. :). It worked! Everyone laughed at him which made him leave! I will use that move again. Wanted to share.
Some d-bag walked by me (I had headphones on) and he said “I wanna eat your p*ssy”. Guess he didn’t think I could hear him but don’t worry, I did. And I. Lit. Him. Up. I shouted a large array of expletives at the guy, flipped him off, generally tried to cause him to suffer incredible embarrassment. It pisses me off when people tell me I shouldn’t have said anything and that I compromised my safety (even though it was noon on a Tuesday). My safety was already compromised by the fact that a loser piece of sh*t thought he could TRY to intimidate me. I don’t think so, bub.
walking to the supermarket (15 minutes) in thick tights and a jumper.
a man went ‘mmm’ as i walked past him, a van full of men and a car full of men both gawked at me and turned to stare at me, a car full of boys yelled at me, and a man in a van beeped at me.
it felt devaluing and intimidating.
About 1PM I got off the bus and began to walk home with my groceries. A car with at least 2 men slowed down, and yelled that they wanted to give me a ride. I avoided eye contact, and waived them off. Offers for rides are especially upsetting, because of the implied threat: that they want to get me in a situation where I am not in control of where I go or what happens to me.
About 9AM, I crossed the street as two men crossed in the opposite direction. As they passed, I avoided eye contact. One said “good morning, sister,” and I ignored it. He said hello again. When he realized that I was not going to respond, he yelled a veiled threat: “Don’t trip on the curb.” I hate these situations because they frequently end with a threatening comment, and I’m afraid that one day I’ll be physically assaulted because they think they’ve been insulted.
Recently, I signed up to a dating website. I stated in my profile that I was looking for a woman; this is important, because it means that anyone who is not a woman looking for a woman would have a difficult time messaging me.
I received a lot of messages. One of them was from a male user. It started out pretty run-of-the-mill: asking if I’m interested in men as well, if I’d like to have sex with him, etc. It soon turned into me saying I’m not interested, but he persisted.
Generally, I could ignore something like that, even if it was uncomfortably sexual on his part. However, a few nights ago, he sent me a message that’s really just chilling. It includes the following lines (which refers to him forcing me to perform oral sex on him):
“Oh, I know you wouldn’t want to but why would that stop me” and “I’m hard just thinking about it actually”
Since then, I’ve reported his profile and told him in no uncertain terms that what he said is not okay. Alas, he doesn’t comprehend that and insists that I should “toughen up”. He tried to justify his disgusting messages by saying that my profile states I’m interested in Domination and submission – and it does, but only vaguely – so that means I must be interested in being forced to perform sexual acts. I would have blocked him, but there’s no way for me to do that from my phone, unfortunately.
I’ve sent a message to one of the admins of the site and I’m hoping that his profile is removed. I’m not sure how to deal with the larger implications of what he’s said, though, and his messages have left me deeply unsettled.
Just sitting at the bus stop when someone yells at me and gives me a nasty shock, making me jump. I look up to see a young blonde guy with his head stuck out the passenger side of a black car with red P plates. He laughs at me while making eye contact and I hear male and female laughter from the car, the windows were tinted so I only saw the guy yelling. Didn’t catch the number plate or I’d call the cops on them for harrassment and too many passengers for Red P plates.
One of the most memorable things I’ve had shouted at me was when I was walking down the pavement of a main road just outside of Cheltenham town centre late at night. Generally speaking it’s a pretty safe area.
I was unaware of the 3 men walking behind me a little way back until one of them started trying to get my attention by shouting “Hey! Hello?” I turned my head briefly to see who was shouting at me but kept walking and ignored them, as I figured they were looking to get a response, and would lose interest if I refused to give them one.
Then one of them yelled at the top of his voice “I would tear your ass in half”.
I couldn’t believe it. There was no hint of humour in his voice to tell me it was just an idiotic and immature joke or a poorly judged and unwelcome attempt to hit on me. Given that it was after dark and the road was very quiet, it was quite simply unnerving.
I didn’t shout back because I was dumbstruck and didn’t want to engage with them. I wanted to quicken my pace to widen the gap between us, but I didn’t want him to know that he had succeeded in frightening me, so I just kept walking, trying to hide the fact my body had gone rigid.
I couldn’t understand what he got out of doing it other than making me (an 18-year-old stranger, minding her own business) feel both physically threatened/unsafe and deeply insulted/disrespected. I hate the fact that he thought it acceptable/funny to make me feel that way.