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walking to the supermarket (15 minutes) in thick tights and a jumper.
a man went ‘mmm’ as i walked past him, a van full of men and a car full of men both gawked at me and turned to stare at me, a car full of boys yelled at me, and a man in a van beeped at me.
it felt devaluing and intimidating.
About 1PM I got off the bus and began to walk home with my groceries. A car with at least 2 men slowed down, and yelled that they wanted to give me a ride. I avoided eye contact, and waived them off. Offers for rides are especially upsetting, because of the implied threat: that they want to get me in a situation where I am not in control of where I go or what happens to me.
About 9AM, I crossed the street as two men crossed in the opposite direction. As they passed, I avoided eye contact. One said “good morning, sister,” and I ignored it. He said hello again. When he realized that I was not going to respond, he yelled a veiled threat: “Don’t trip on the curb.” I hate these situations because they frequently end with a threatening comment, and I’m afraid that one day I’ll be physically assaulted because they think they’ve been insulted.
Recently, I signed up to a dating website. I stated in my profile that I was looking for a woman; this is important, because it means that anyone who is not a woman looking for a woman would have a difficult time messaging me.
I received a lot of messages. One of them was from a male user. It started out pretty run-of-the-mill: asking if I’m interested in men as well, if I’d like to have sex with him, etc. It soon turned into me saying I’m not interested, but he persisted.
Generally, I could ignore something like that, even if it was uncomfortably sexual on his part. However, a few nights ago, he sent me a message that’s really just chilling. It includes the following lines (which refers to him forcing me to perform oral sex on him):
“Oh, I know you wouldn’t want to but why would that stop me” and “I’m hard just thinking about it actually”
Since then, I’ve reported his profile and told him in no uncertain terms that what he said is not okay. Alas, he doesn’t comprehend that and insists that I should “toughen up”. He tried to justify his disgusting messages by saying that my profile states I’m interested in Domination and submission – and it does, but only vaguely – so that means I must be interested in being forced to perform sexual acts. I would have blocked him, but there’s no way for me to do that from my phone, unfortunately.
I’ve sent a message to one of the admins of the site and I’m hoping that his profile is removed. I’m not sure how to deal with the larger implications of what he’s said, though, and his messages have left me deeply unsettled.
Just sitting at the bus stop when someone yells at me and gives me a nasty shock, making me jump. I look up to see a young blonde guy with his head stuck out the passenger side of a black car with red P plates. He laughs at me while making eye contact and I hear male and female laughter from the car, the windows were tinted so I only saw the guy yelling. Didn’t catch the number plate or I’d call the cops on them for harrassment and too many passengers for Red P plates.
One of the most memorable things I’ve had shouted at me was when I was walking down the pavement of a main road just outside of Cheltenham town centre late at night. Generally speaking it’s a pretty safe area.
I was unaware of the 3 men walking behind me a little way back until one of them started trying to get my attention by shouting “Hey! Hello?” I turned my head briefly to see who was shouting at me but kept walking and ignored them, as I figured they were looking to get a response, and would lose interest if I refused to give them one.
Then one of them yelled at the top of his voice “I would tear your ass in half”.
I couldn’t believe it. There was no hint of humour in his voice to tell me it was just an idiotic and immature joke or a poorly judged and unwelcome attempt to hit on me. Given that it was after dark and the road was very quiet, it was quite simply unnerving.
I didn’t shout back because I was dumbstruck and didn’t want to engage with them. I wanted to quicken my pace to widen the gap between us, but I didn’t want him to know that he had succeeded in frightening me, so I just kept walking, trying to hide the fact my body had gone rigid.
I couldn’t understand what he got out of doing it other than making me (an 18-year-old stranger, minding her own business) feel both physically threatened/unsafe and deeply insulted/disrespected. I hate the fact that he thought it acceptable/funny to make me feel that way.
In the middle of the afternoon I took my puppy outside to relieve himself. An SUV with a male driver and at least one male passenger was driving down Avent Ferry toward me. As the vehicle passed, the male in the passenger seat yelled, “Suck my dick!” The SUV sped off too fast for me to take note of any idenfiying details without my glasses on. I’ve been hollered at by men in vehicles plenty of times before (especially in college), but I found this time particularly demeaning. No one even witnessed it, but that didn’t stop me from feeling humiliated and ashamed. I felt completely helpless, and that’s just not the type of woman I am.
I was in town for a conference and was walking back to the hotel by myself after lunch. I passed a man standing on the corner with a cardboard sign. He told me to have a nice day, so I said, “You, too,” to be polite. Then as I stood with my back to him while waiting for the light to change, he said, twice, “How about you and me meet up later.” And when I didn’t respond, he followed with, “You go, you never go back.”
It certainly could have been worse; he didn’t follow me, nor did I think he would. But it still marred my otherwise lovely spring afternoon and made me wonder what I could have said in response that would have made a difference in how he treats people in the future.
Hi. I waved and smiled to thank you for letting me pass your truck. As you drove by you casually called me a “fag”. Next time I’ll be sure to extinguish my cigarette in your eyeball! Coward. Hollaback!
Back in the early 2000′s when I was in secondary school I was very shy, quiet and known as the class “square” and one of the “popular” guys who I’ll call “M” especially made my life hell, he once announced loudly that one day if I was lucky, I might get raped, in assembly he once got all the classmates between him and I to pass on a message to me that he thought I was “hot” so I had to endure them all sniggering and laughing at me while he sat back full of smug pride.
He used to try and gear the teachers towards yelling at me for any tiny excuse he could find, once he stole my pe kit and made a show of sniffing the bag and refusing to return it. He started several pass-around surverys during classtimes titled “is Lydia the class prostitute?” and also “do u think Lydia wears thongs?”
During a school play when it was my turn to sing he wooped really loudly and made a growling sound which everyone laughed at. I refuse to believe it was from attraction, I feel it was because I was an easy target who would never dare to answer back.
I always look back on my secondary school time with strong bitter hatred and embarrassment, I don’t think I could ever forgive him for how he treated me.
I do feel however that my ordeal has made me into the stronger person I am today, now I always make a point of confronting my harassers and standing up for myself.
…I do just hope one day I might run into M, who for the record is now balding, pot bellied and very different from the athletic cocky “bad boy” who tormented me in school…. and give him a punch.