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To start this story off I am 19 and in college, I have had my fair share of drunk frat guys approaching me and trying to dance/dry hump me. I even had one guy at once attempt slipping something in my drink, luckily I was paying attention and ran off with friends before he turned around.
This post isn’t about those situations though, this post is the first time that I actually am having a hard time brushing off the incident like I normally do with the college boys. I was shopping with my sisters and mom and was looking at the clearance racks. All of a sudden I feel a hand grabbing my butt and when I turn around there is a really creepy older man wearing a bright neon hat he looks at me with no emotion and in a robotic tone says “Oh, Sorry” then began to shuffle the way out of the store. The reason it creeps me out the most is because it was elevated where I was standing and there was a fence like structure a foot behind me, this guy was on a ramp behind the fence structure, he deliberately put his hand through the railing and stretched to grab my but, and nobody else around me saw.
I stood there in shock at out he can just so blatantly grope me and then walk away with no sort of shame or punishment, and I kick myself today because I didn’t react differently. I was able to tell my sisters and point to him when he was almost out the door but he still left and was likely to do it to another woman if he had the chance. Now I am nervous to go out shopping or wear shorts again, and my shorts were not even that short but for some reason I still blame myself for what happened, maybe if I hadn’t been wearing shorts that day that wouldn’t have happened? I just felt gross all day yesterday because of it, I lost the ability to enjoy that shopping trip with my family because I was constantly making sure he wasn’t around and that I never had my back turned. Well I guess this is enough of my rambling, but I just really wish that guy gets caught doing what he’s doing and gets some form of punishment but I doubt that will happen.
Last year, my family and I (17 years old) went to India to visit my grandparents. We are from South India and have never gone to see the Taj Mahal (in North India). Because of this my grandparents booked us all (my mom, brother, aunt, cousin, themselves, and myself) tickets to travel to North India. Near the end of our week long stay there (which was going so well) we decided to go to a Hindu temple and pray. On the way there, we decided to hold hands with each other as it was very crowded and the area was hard to navigate. I decided to hold my aunt’s since she was standing closest to me. As we started walking, I noticed a man walking straight towards me as if he was going to run into me. Slightly unnerved by this but otherwise unsuspectingly I just made sure to move a little closer to my aunt and keep my distance from him. We continued walking, and as I passed the man, he stuck his arm out in my way and made sure to rub it against my inner thigh (I’m still not sure if he was trying to grab my crotch instead)! In that moment, I became extremely fearful of him and felt like bawling my eyes out from the humiliation. I mean, come on! He touched one of my most private areas in public, in front of my family nonetheless! I felt humiliated and dirty the rest of the trip (especially since after that we were going to temples and praying)! I was just really glad my family was there; I fear what he would have done if I was alone.
Dear Hollabackers –
This week, we had our first annual staff retreat in New Paltz, NY. We ate vegan chocolate, drank local craft brew, and mapped out our work together over the next year. It’s gonna be our best year yet. Before we left on Monday, Debjani keynoted at the I-CASH conference (International Coalition Against Sexual Harassment) and Emily headed to DC to collaborate with the Women’s Health Network on mapping the movement. Here’s what’s been going on around the world:
Hollaback! Ottawa site leader Julie presented on being the underdog at Taking Charge of Change, an event in honor of International Youth Day. Julie was also interviewed on Talking Radical Radio– listen to the whole segment! Ottawa’s
street harassment study was featured in this piece on the Daily Xtra. Ottawa also received press in several pieces about their local transit authority, OC Transpo, failing to take action against the harassment happening on public transportation. Here’s one from the Ottawa Sun, where they were asked to respond to a high-profile sexual assault that occurred at a transit station, and two from the Ottawa Citizen.
Hollaback! Boston is hosting their first Take Back The Bar event tonight. They also had some great blog posts up this week– one about virtual harassment and another in their Introducing! series, where they spoke to Kristen, a local style blogger. They also attended an “anti street hollering” rally in support of another local organization!
Last but not least, check out this great video by Surayya Diggs, including a lot of great footage of our Anti-Street Harassment Week Rally in Washington Square Park:
HOLLA and out –
The Hollaback team
I went on a walk with my dog wearing long running shorts, an old, baggy t-shirt. A car full of high school boys was at a stop sign while I was a block ahead. They hung halfway out the windows and whistled and yelled at me. It wasn’t much but I was a 13 year old, innocent young girl and it scared the hell out of me. I felt ashamed, embarrassed for there were other cars in the intersection, and I felt like I did something wrong. I started running because I was afraid they would circle the block. I’ve been timid of walking alone ever since (it was a year ago), but finding Hollaback has given me the courage to know that I’m not alone and that I can stand up for myself.
While doing my grocery shopping I look up and see a man looking at me. I’m usually a friendly person and will smile and sometimes say “Hi” or “How are you?”. I smiled at him and he immediately looks at my chest and groin and says “I was wondering if you were going to smile at me.” All the while grinning at my body.
I thought of all kinds of fantastic come backs after the fact, but was too dumbfounded to say a word at the time.
About a month ago, I was hanging out with my friends in a fully packed bar. A couple of guys harassed us that night, but I’ll just talk about the three that shocked me the most.
I came out of this toilet cubicle and suddenly this guy walked up to me (it was a boy/girl bathroom) and he kind of cornered me, so I couldn’t go back to the bar where my friends were. He asked my name. I told him my name’s Pauline. He then proceeded to call me Paulientje (which is Dutch for ‘Little Pauline’) and asked me if I had a boyfriend. I told him I was a lesbian and started pushing him away, but he wouldn’t budge. We were also blocking the entrance to the bathroom now and there was quite a queue by now. I was clearly uncomfortable, but no one helped me. He continued talking to me, saying things like ‘Did you fall from heaven?’ and ‘Are you absolutely sure you’re a lesbian? You’re not sure, are you? I can see it, you started questioning the minute you saw my face’ After what must have been ten minutes, my best friend showed up (because she was worried something had happened as it wasn’t the first time that night guys were bothering us) and pulled him away from me.
I was still kind of shocked, when another friend (though I didn’t really know him that well) came up to me and asked me what was wrong. I told him some guy had harassed me in the bathroom, to which he replied ‘Oh, I would’ve wanted to join’. At first I thought he had misunderstood me, so I repeated what I just had said, and his response was ‘I know what you said’. That same ‘friend’ had been groping my breasts, butt and thighs the entire evening, by the way. At first, I’d thought he was doing it by accident, but it happened one too many times. My scarf actually smelled like him up to two days after that night.
Some time later another guy grabbed me, asking for my name and such. I recognized him, as he had slapped my butt earlier that night and I had yelled at him. Once again, I told him my name and that I’m a lesbian and once again, the guy didn’t seem very bothered by that fact. He was actually rather excited by it and he told me it was his dream to fuck a lesbian. I was absolutely horrified, but thank god my best friend and her boyfriend came to my rescue. The guy got somewhat aggressive, so we decided it was time to leave.
Up to this day, I’m still wondering what the hell I’d been doing wrong that night.
I was at my favorite nightclub with a group of friends on a Saturday night, standing on the edge of the dancefloor. I was chatting to one of my male friends when I felt someone pinch my bum. I turned around and the groper and his friend, who I vaguely recognize as being a year older than me at the local boys school, are leering at me. I glared at them and turned around.
Not ten seconds later, it happened again – I turned around and said “Please stop doing that, or I will ask a bouncer to make you leave”. Ten seconds later – again. I turned around and told him bluntly to fuck off, before attempting to walk away.
But before I could, he did it again and attempted to drag my by my top towards him. So I turned around to face him, smiled sweetly, and motioned towards his drink as if I wanted to taste a bit. Confident his stellar pulling technique had struck gold, he handed it to me. I then had the somewhat immature but very satisfying pleasure of watching the creepy grin drain off his face as I dumped his pint of Stella all over his head. I sauntered away to the cheers of the crowd
#don’tmess #HOLLABACK #
A barrage of BMXers came hurtling toward me walking down a main street in Cardiff. I kept my eyes front facing and held my course. One of them then gets so close he can ROAR in my ear, obviously intending to shock and humiliate, as he and his mates whizz past laughing and disappear. I’m a woman on my own who refused to look down or jump out their way so did he really feel I needed taking down a peg? No chance to react! Why do some men think this is OK? It’s street harassment and its cowardly!
Dear Hollabackers –
The global revolution rolls on! Debjani is at the “Forging Justice” conference in Detroit, Michigan today, presenting on how employers can better support their staff and clients who face street harassment. Emily is meeting today with community partners interested in developing a new safety app, and met yesterday with two new partners: The Healing Center about their work to address domestic violence in Sunset Park, and Creative Time and the Brooklyn Museum work with Suzanne Lacy’s new public feminist art project.
The conversation continued in the media, too. Bitch Magazine wrote about HOLLA::Revolution. A blogger at Star of Davida compiled her thoughts on HOLLA::Rev as well: the introduction, part 1, and part 2. Author Yann Patel has dedicated their book Indie: A Female Vigilate to “Hollabacks worldwide!”
HOLLA around the world:
Hollaback! Des Moines marched and danced with One Billion Rising in the Iowa State Fair Parade this week! They also had an event to discuss personal safety products, which they partnered with local agency Damsel in Defense for. Next week is their anniversary open mic event!
Hollaback! Bmore attended a community meeting for the FORCE – Monument Project to ensure that people remembered that street harassment is on the spectrum of gender based violence. They also interviewed some Bronies at BronyCon about harassment and plan to release a video in early September. Tomorrow they’re carpooling down to Slutwalk DC!
Hollaback! West Yorkshire had a meeting with Bradford victim support & women’s network as to how to collaborate & work with women outside student community.
Hollaback! Boston had a lot going on this week! On their blog, intern Kayla has a post about porch heckling and site directors Britni and Kate talk about their experience at HOLLA::Rev. The team also went to Boston Comic Con this weekend in support of Hollaback! Philly’s work and you can read their recap of the event, as well as an interview with local cosplayer Lei Ann. Boston also released their first ever survey on street harassment, which was picked up by the Boston Metro. They also received a grant for their T campaign and wrote a piece for local online publication The Media.
Hollaback! Winnipeg site leader Jodie was on CBC The National talking about trolls, Hollaback!, white privilege, and #twittersilence on CBC The National (starts at 8:05). She also gave a TEDx talk on rape culture and sex positivity.
HOLLA and out –
The Hollaback! team
First off: I live in the Caribbean, on an island called Dominica (not Dominican Rep.), and harassment is very common here and people act like it’s normal and supposed to happen.
I was walking my dog at night like I always do. He’s rather protective of me so I avoid walking him during the day, and I feel safe with him at night. And I pass a group of boys sitting in a porch, listening to music. I used to go to school with most of them so they call me and I say hi. On my way back, one of their friends that I don’t know calls me, so I turn to wave and move on. He then says, “Let me walk with you too, nuh.” To which I politely replied, “No, thank you. I’m OK.” He can’t take no for an answer and says, “Why you don’t want me to walk with you.” I simply reply that my dog, who is standing nicely beside me because I’m rubbing behind his ear keeping him calm, doesn’t like it when people get close to me. “But he not doing nothing.” “Because I’m keeping him calm. And honestly, I don’t want to walk with you. OK?”
Now this upset him because I’m apparently supposed to feel so flattered by his interest and swoon at his feet, and he starts insulting me.
“FINE! YOU SO FUCKING UGLY NOBODY DIDNT WANT TO WALK WITH YOU ANYWAY! THE FUCK YOU THINK??! SOMEBODY WANT YOU THEN!??! YOU WELL WANT MAN WHERE YOU BE THERE!!! I SURE YOU HAVE TO COME BACK AND BEG ME TO WALK WITH YOU!! FUCKING SALOPE*!!!”
*salope is French/French-Creole for whore (we speak French-Creole on my island).
At this point I stop calming my dog, which would stop working anyway as he has started yelling at me and fake laugh and tell him, “You’re right… PLEASE walk with me next time. But you’ll have to bring your own leash and collar, I don’t have any to fit you.” and start walking away feeling very insulted and displeased, with my equally displeased dog. As I walk away I can hear his friends laughing at him and saying they didn’t know I was “bad” like that, and that he was too rude, and I did the right thing, and as admirable as that is, why didn’t they say anything when it was clear I didn’t want to walk with him.
He was still shouting insults at me when I got home (about 100 feet away I think), and he is probably still cursing at me now wherever he is. Calling me “stuck up” and “fresh” and a slew of other things because he thinks I acted like I was too good for him and dared to respond to his insults and then dared to walk away from him, but I don’t have to take that from any guy, especially after I responded politely and was given back insults in return.