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As my fiancé and I walked into our neighborhood Grocery store for our usual Sunday morning grocery trip, my fiancé got me to grab the cart while he walked ahead to print out MVP coupons. As I took the cart out and started walking to find him, I passed by a man exiting the store, carrying nothing, wearing a white polo and jeans. As he exited, and I entered the store, I felt a hand grab my ass…
I turned around and yelled “EXCUSE ME?!” The man looked back at me out of the corner of his eye.. I said “did you just touch me?!” He averted his attention to some magazines near the exit door, looking very guilty. without making much eye contact with me he mumbled “I don’t know what happened, I was just walking by, I must have accidentally brushed you.”
At this point, my fiancé joins me, looking confused.. I tell him this man grabbed my ass and he starts loudly cursing at the guy. Whoever in the checkout lines wasn’t already witnessing what was going on definitely was at this point! Caught red-handed the man VERY AWKWARDLY re-entered the store and headed toward the beer section.
At this point, we aren’t exactly in the mood to grocery shop beside this guy as if nothing happened.. So we notify the cashiers who call management up. They get to us quickly & we identify the man. They assure us they’ll make sure the man leaves after purchasing his Budweiser. Then Dave asks me if I want to call the police…
For some reason the flurry of emotion (anger, violation, disgust, confusion) made me forget about this option. I did NOT want to be a girl who does nothing… And regret it. So we called 911 as the man stood in the checkout line. The managers of the store confronted him as he was leaving to let him know the police were on their way and to stick around.
Our (female) police officer arrived soon after and handled the situation. She asked if I wanted to press charges and I said yes. she wasn’t sure whether it could be filed as assault or sexual assault (forcible), but is going to let me know tomorrow.
In the end, I questioned myself at LEAST 100 times about whether I was doing the right thing. It’s so true that as the victim you still feel at fault somehow.. You question what you were wearing and you also go through phases where you feel sorry for the attacker. But I’m so glad I handled it the way I did… And that my fiancé didn’t beat the man’s ass as he was about to!
I hope that my story inspires someone to do the same & that my actions prevent this man from having a chance to victimize someone else.
PS. The manager of Food Lion who detained the man until the policewoman came said the man was bragging about how he’d been drinking at the bar already (the attack happened at 12:30pm on a Sunday)
I was walking with a friend of mine through a park and we approached a group of guys in their mid to late 20’s, all obviously dressed up for a night out, cans of drink in their hands. We both tensed up and walked a bit closer together as we walked past(within a metre or two) them one of them screamed “GIRLS!” at us. My friend drawled “‘sup” and I just gave them my snootiest “seriously? you’re going to shout at us?” look and we kept walking. We could hear them laughing and shouting as they walked in the opposite direction and we mocked them, but all I could think was “why did they feel the need to shout at us when they were standing right next to us? why did they feel the need to say anything to us?”
Another exciting week here at Hollaback! We’re gearing up for our big event with Cornell tomorrow, where we will release somepowerful research on street harassment, and then celebrate our success with a benefit dra g show (what else?). On Saturday, September 22nd, join us at Stonewall for RIOT! A drag show and benefit. Also this week, I was named one of Brooklyn Magazine’s “Brooklyn 20.” To congratulate me they dressed me up as a hipster super villain. Seriously. Check the picture (right).
Check out what our site leaders around the world have been up to this week:
Hollaback NYC Calls on State Leaders to Pass New Law Protecting Straphangers from Sexual Assault. In the current lawsubway “grinding” (also known as masturbating against someone) isn’t considered “forcible,” which means that it’s not categorized as sexual assault. We’re working with Public Advocate DeBlasio to close the loophole — check out our letter here.
Hollaback Czech holds its first workshop! It took place this week at the QueerFEM*Days conference and was a huge success.
Hollaback joins V-DAY’s “One Billion Rising” campaign! Want to join, too? Make a “Why I am Rising” video and they will post it!
Hollaback was at the Congress of Women in Poland! A video of us was shown at a panel called, “No more violence against women,” (Saturday, 15/09/2012, 12 – 1.30 pm), during which Greta, one of our site leader in Poland, also briefly spoke about Hollaback Polska, its goals and achievements so far. Among others, she presented some of the data from their recently conducted study on street harassment in Poland. Joanna, our other site leader in Poland, also spoke about Hollaback Polska and the notion of street harassment, why it is so harmful, etc., during another event at the Congress. Hollaback Poleska also had a stand where we conducted various activities, discussed street harassment, presented the results of our study, gave out leaflets and badges, and made contacts. Go Hollaback Poleska!
Hollaback Des Moines is running a HOLLAween campaign, and they need your help! Last year, they spoke at Iowa Pride Network Leadership Summit, partnered with the Iowa Coalition Against Sexual Assault to make street harassment part of SAAT programming, worked with Drake University student activists and tabled at their “Vagina Carnival,” prior to three performances of Eve Ensler’s play, partnered with the Chrysalis Foundation to facilitate a screening of the documentary, “Miss Representation.” Check out their website for information on how you can help their efforts this year!
Hollaback UK site leaders met this week at feminist summer school in Bristol! They are collaborating on developing policy recommendations, campaigns, and garnering media attention. Stay tuned for more awesome updates coming from the UK!
Hollaback NYU in BUST online! Site leader Catie Brown talks about NYU’s plan for the future: “We’re going to be popping up all over campus this semester, getting the word out about our site and encouraging submissions. We’re also planning a fundraiser concert for the spring, and we’re always reaching out to and looking to collaborate with other campus organizations.” To read the full article, click here.
Did you miss Hollaback Edinburgh‘s launch party? Watch it here:
Last but not least, you’ve gotta check out our “Cats Against Catcalls” tumblr if you haven’t already. Here’s Kitty Gaga as a teaser:
HOLLA and out —
BY RITA PASARELL
Earlier this week, the Egyptian Center for Women’s Rights (ECWR) reported that a 20 year old woman was shot to death immediately after responding to a street harasser by whom she had been sexually assaulted. No one should have to ignore a sexual assault, and no one should walk in fear because she is accessing a public space. Our hearts and voices go out to this young woman and her loved ones.
As it is in many countries, street harassment has been “epidemic” in Egypt, but “now more women are talking about it,” ECWR’s Nehad Abul Komsan said recently. ECWR has been a strong advocate for harassment victims, gathering research statistics on street harassment and submitting proposed law drafts regarding the problem to Egyptian lawmakers, including Egyptian President Morsi.
Hollaback encourages all women to keep speaking out against street harassment—stories change the world and can shape policy. We urge all governments to take this problem seriously because we agree with ECRW that sexual harassment is a social cancer. In New York, we’re calling upon elected officials to pass a new law that would enable prosecutors to bring felony charges against sex offenders who assault their victims on crowded trains and buses. Add your voice: let your community and elected officials know that you won’t tolerate street harassment.
Man followed me for several blocks yelling “baby!” over and over again.
(You can see the full interview on NBC Bay Area)
“Corey: Do you have an opinion on cat calling?
Kamau: I certainly understand that women get cat called all over the world, even in San Francisco, but when we went to New York, I see it way more than I ever saw it in San Francisco. I didn’t know we were still doing that as a male culture.
Corey: Is it like we see on TV and the movies, construction workers hollering?
Kamau: Absolutely. Construction guys or guys who just yell at women down the block. What’s the best-case scenario here? When I was doing my show, I would be curious about stuff and do research and be like, ‘Oh my God, I had no idea!’ There’s a series of movements women have started against street harassment, because street harassment covers cat calling and groping and whipping out your penis on the subway. We talked to a bunch of women on the street, and all of them had been cat called at some point in their life.
That’s what I like about my act in general and the show; a lot of this is me learning about the world with the audience. At first the audiences were in the theatres and comedy clubs, but, hopefully, there will be a decent enough percentage of America that I can get a college fund for my baby daughter.
Kamau: We talked to men about cat calling and some said, ‘I don’t do it and don’t know anybody who does.’ Others were like, ‘I have friends who do it.’ ‘Really? Friends? You mean the guy you see in the mirror every morning?’ I’m against cat calling. As a man with a daughter, I pretty much have to be.”
Our crush on Kamau Bell continues. Tweet at him (@wkamaubell) and congratulate him for being such an awesome dude.
A street preacher started screaming at a passerby (a visibly queer man), saying that the passerby was a “pansy” and offended the eyes of the Lord. I stopped and questioned the street preacher, who said that the Lord “created everything.” I looked at him and said, “God sure didn’t make those shorts.” He was wearing cargo khaki shorts, people, and his boxers were sticking out at the bottom. When I pointed out this detail, he said I was lustful. I said it wasn’t lust, he started screaming at me and calling me names, and then 1 homeless person and 3 tourists sprang to my verbal defense.
As I was walking home after a long day on campus a man laid down on the road to have a look up my dress, will never forget that day…
I’m still angry today because he deserved nothing but a kick, I just stepped aside. This ill treatment of women in public spaces should stop.
(reprinted from New York City Public Advocate Bill DeBlasio’s website)
Public Advocate Bill de Blasio and the advocacy group Hollaback! today called on the State Legislature to pass a new law protecting straphangers from “subway grinders.” In a letter sent to Speaker Silver and Majority Leader Skelos, they criticized a recent court ruling that effectively downgraded the seriousness of sexual assaults perpetrated on crowded subway trains. A judge recently threw out felony charges against a repeat offender because he did not use force against his victims—even though he used the crowded subways to assault his victims. De Blasio and Hollaback Executive Director Emily May called for new legislation that would allow prosecutors to pursue felony charges and jail time for offenders found guilty of persistent sexual abuse.
Read the full letter below:
September 18, 2012
Honorable Sheldon Silver
Speaker of the NYS Assembly
Legislative Office Building, Room 932
Albany, NY 12248
Honorable Dean G. Skelos
Majority Leader of the NYS Senate
Legislative Office Building, Room 909
Albany, NY 12247
Dear Speaker Silver and Majority Leader Skelos:
We write in support of strengthening laws to protect transit riders from sexual assault. A deeply flawed court ruling has effectively downgraded the seriousness of sexual assaults in our transit system, claiming that perpetrators can only be charged with a felony if they utilize force during the assault. This most recent decision severely undercut recent efforts to hold “subway grinders” accountable and protect New York City straphangers—particularly women and children. We urge you to swiftly pass a new law that would enable prosecutors to bring felony charges against sex offenders who assault their victims on crowded trains and buses.
We firmly believe that jail time is a necessary deterrent and response to persistent sexual abuse. The crimes involved in recent court cases posed a serious risk to the health and safety of New Yorkers. In one case, a sex offender with 32 prior arrests was facing charges for rubbing himself to orgasm on three young women aged 24, 22 and 17. Incredibly, the judge in the case threw out felony charges on the grounds that no threat of violence was present during the assaults. The decision is ignorant of the reality facing millions of straphangers. Mass transit can create a highly precarious environment as a crowded, over-capacity train or bus leaves little possibility for escape. This fact is not lost on sex offenders.
We commend our District Attorneys for aggressively pursuing these cases and pressing for jail time for offenders. It has taken far too long to address the issue of sexual harassment and assault in our transit system. Now that this issue is finally receiving the attention it deserves, we cannot see existing laws undercut. We urge you to swiftly pass legislation to empower prosecutors to pursue charges commensurate with these heinous crimes.
Bill de Blasio
Public Advocate for the City of New York
Executive Director, Hollaback!
Okay so lets say my names lily and when this happened I was 12 ( it really was ) I was in the shop just beside the bus stop so I pick my item and get in line, there is a group of boys older than me in front of me and are messing around saying vulgar things. Then the one closest to me turns around sees me and says to the group, “oh shit there’s a wee girl behind us” , one of them ( the ringleader) says “I don’t give a big fat juicy c*ck” and goes behind me. Then he whispers into my ear ” you’re beautiful, will you go out with me, you’re sexy, I wanna sexify you.” later on I’m still in the line and the same person says,” hey ” and pauses, his friends says lily confirming its my name and the ringleader says,” hey lily hey lily I’m gonna milk you”. Later on the bus my friend tells me I’m gonna milk you means I’m gonna rape you. I was seriously scared. The worst thing is no one helped me.