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It’s New Year’s Eve, and I was having a great night with my boyfriend and friends at the visions bar at the sands casino. I was walking holding hands with my boyfriend towards the restroom and some scumbag grabbed my ass while I’m holding hands with my boyfriend. I turned around and yelled a number of profanities at him, but I still felt/feel powerless about the situation. Whenever this happens it makes me feel like a piece of meat; like my body is public space and men feel free to poke and grope as they please. The worst part is I feel like I was comforting my boyfriend because he felt terrible that this happened to me on his watch, when in reality it’s not his fault at all. In reality men should not feel entitled to women’s bodies, but unfortunately they do. I hope things change. Anyway this happened about two hours ago, and it’s very much on my mind so I thought I would share!
Group of boys told me to jump into pond and they would jump in after me. They laughed when I responded I would rather drown. I have made it clear I am gay, and they also calls me by my legal name despite repeated requests to cease.
I got on the F train just now from 34th street to find this lovely misogynistic drunk grabbing his crotch and screaming at two poor tourist girls out for a night on the town across from him. The video is short and unpleasant- I stopped recording to get up and call the conductor.
Here is the video I just uploaded:
i was on a school bus coming home and this boy felt up my chest. I froze and let it continue and to this day I am still traumatized by what keith has done to me. He felt around and played with my breasts. At one point he started playing with my nipples and asked “are these your nips?” As if he was trying to engage me in his violation of me.
Called beautiful and cute. Man tried to get me to touch him.
Happy Friday Hollaback’ers!
It has been another busy week ending street harassment! There were 11 press hits, including in the The Guardian, and one co-authored by Emily May and Debjani Roy, The Nottingham Post, The Daily Telegraph, Business Insider, Firat News, The Korean Herald, and ThinkOlga.com.
The last day to take the International Street Harassment survey was December 15th, and we cannot thank you enough for all the hard work you did in promoting it! The results and analysis are still forthcoming, but as of now we can tell you we collected about 15000 results! That’s incredible and we couldn’t of done it without you.
The End of Year Campaign is going full steam ahead. As of this posting, we’ve raised $9,230 and put up 18 posters!
Earlier in the week, we released Elisa Lopez’s harrowing video where she spoke out against her very public assault. The video is extremely difficult to watch, and we applaud Elisa’s bravery and are humbled to have supported her along the way.
Hollaback! Bahamas took the pledge to support youth survivors, leaders, and activists in the fight to end sexual violence in conflict in conjunction with http://www.youthtoendsexualviolence.org/.
Hollaback! Twin Cities put out a call for volunteers, so spread the word!
Great job this week team!
HOLLA and out!
– The Hollaback! Staff
I am a surgical resident (physician-in-training). On one of the first days our NY hospital re-opened after Sandy, I walked into a perioperative area to interview a patient at 630am. I wore scrubs (not the tailored attire of Grey’s Anatomy, but the burlap-bag, unflattering uniform of hospital employees). A group of 6 middle aged men, contractors in hardhats, passed by, and the one in front says, “nice can, doc.”
I was walk to work (in loose slacks and a puffy coat mind you) when a man sitting at a bus stop reached out and grabbed my butt. I was terrified he was going to do something worse, but I still turned around and told him off. When I walked away he screamed that I was a “frigid bitch”
Every Day Is Election Day: A Woman’s Guide to Winning Any Office, from the PTA to the White House, written by Hollaback! friend and colleague Rebecca Sive, is available just in time for the holiday gift-giving season, for 30% discount, (in print or e-book) by clicking here http://bit.ly/1v73h1L and using code: Holla30. There is no limit on the number you can order.
What better holiday present than the gift of leadership for you, and for every woman in your life who is dreaming big, and wants to make the world a better place where every woman street-safe. Every one of your friends will appreciate the wisdom of the diverse women leaders nationwide Rebecca interviewed for their inspirational stories and frank guidance on how, you too, can become a powerful public advocate for ending street violence and other dangers women face. They are sure to inspire you to step-up, step-out, and invite all the women in your life to do the same.
Every Day Is Election Day has been widely praised and endorsed and is the authoritative guide for women who want to achieve political leadership and influence public policy. In her no-nonsense, woman-to-woman style, Rebecca offers insider advice for women’s daily lives as candidates, advocates and powerbrokers. She explains how to surmount public barriers, conquer private fears, and run any campaign with humor, confidence, and no apologies. And, she also provides tips from women all over the country who run organizations and are important public and political leaders—for realizing the power of sisterhood, bankrolling oneself, creating an inimitable brand, and getting men to accept a take-charge personality.
To order — as many copies as you’d like — go here and use code Holla30.
P.S. For special pricing (50% off list price), for bulk orders of 25 copies or more for your women’s group, book club, or neighborhood organization, feel free contact: Cynthia Sherry, [email protected].
I always wanted to be the progressive man— strong enough to open all of the pickle jars yet sensitive enough to cry during Toy’s Story 3. I joined the Men against Patriarchy group on my college campus, attended panels about the experiences of women, was one of two men in my Feminist Psychology of Women class, and wrote my senior thesis on the destructive properties of Black heterosexual masculinity in American society. By any definition, I was on track to become an ally, or at least a man that feminists love.
However, social change cannot occur without action. Even though I have attended panel and read books, I have not consistently used my power to support the equity of women. I have sat silently while witnessing sexual assault in public in the name of sustaining the code of heterosexual men. Where do I even start? Before chaining myself to abortion clinics or fighting suspected aggressors on the street, I needed to identify how I contribute to our patriarchy.
Around this time of introspection, the infamous “10 hours walking around NYC as a woman” captured the attention of millions. Women effectively carved space for productive dialogue by sharing their personal encounters with street harassment. Although the video has its flaws—it ignored the racial and socioeconomic implications of framing white women as the victim and lower class men of color as the perpetrator—it illuminated a stark contrast between my experience and those of millions of women interacting with public space in New York City [NYC]. It further proved that headphones, novels, cellphones, “bitch faces”, and even significant others are no match for the male need to express admiration for physical beauty. I am guilty of this as well, constantly thinking of clever ways to interrupt the morning commute of attractive women across NYC.
Recognizing my participation, I wanted to reverse my Pavlovian response to seeing a “beautiful” woman; how could I stop salivating long enough to notice that women are more than their beauty? Brainstorming with a close friend about this problem, I suggested doing a social experiment, in which I would document how often I referenced or thought about the physical appearance of women for seven days. She pushed back, suggesting that I make it public and attach a financial stipulation. Together, we transformed this desire to change into a tangible goal.
For one month, I would track any thoughts or references about a woman’s physical appearance, donating $1 to an organization fighting against the effects of street harassment and violence. For accountability, I created a mobile spreadsheet for consistent tracking, enlisted several friends to check on me, and announced the challenge to my Facebook friends. Instead of growing my mustache for Movember, I decided to spend my month examining a large part of my masculine identity and checking my male privilege. November felt like the longest month of my life. From post-Halloween photos, cologne advertisements, alcohol commercials, food commercials, music videos, book covers, bartenders, cashiers, mothers, daughters; I found myself throwing money away. I second-guessed every word to make sure I created genderless conversations. Although difficult, it made me realize the importance of preserving another person’s humanity. Everyone is fighting for acceptance based on his/her character rather than physical appearance. It made me work harder to connect with and learn about the values of others. It made me seek out the experiences and personal stories about harassment and the concept of beauty. At the end of the month, I had made 95 references or thoughts. I decided to round up to 100 and split the money between Safe Horizon, Collective Action for Safe Spaces, and Hollaback!, given each organization’s role in supporting survivors of sexual harassment and assault.
Even though the month is over and the financial stipulations are gone, this work is not done. Although my eyes have been opened recently, I know that women have been grappling with these concepts for centuries. As a man, it is time for me to start listening and to stand behind those who have been on the front line all along.
As you finish reading this post, know that this challenge is for you. It is everyone’s duty to assess his/her participation in the system. This challenge may not be as trendy as ice water buckets, but know that the consequences are just as jarring. If we do not call for change, the rights and safety of women will continue to depend on the benevolence of a man.