Story

Christina’s Story: NONE of this is Flattering or Okay

Where to start!

1.When I was 13, a friend of mine and I decided to take a walk around the block. The sun was starting to set so we cut through the back parking lot of a strip mall by my dad’s house (the quickest way home). We passed a stationary blue car, not noticing there was someone in it. When we were about ten feet away, a man in the car started yelling at us to come touch his penis. We turned back around and kept walking. My friend looked back, and a second later grabbed me by the arm and dragged me into the trees lining my street. When I looked back, the guy’s car was right where we had been walking about 3 seconds before, and he was still yelling at us.

2. Fast forward 1 year. I was out walking my dog in the same neighborhood in the middle of the afternoon. A car with a group of three or four 20-something-year old guys pulls up beside me on the road. The driver asks if I want a ride and his friends sit winking at me in the back seat. I tell him no thank you and he moves right along. He comes back around a few minutes later and asks again. I keep walking, ignoring him, and he follows me in his car for a few minutes before finally taking off.

3. My freshman year of high school, I was a skinny, flat-chested, frizzy-haired, obviously underage girl walking home from school one afternoon. I pass by the same parking lot I had almost been run over in (though I didn’t go through it-I’d learned my lesson on that one.) Nevertheless, a man who was no less than 35 years old comes out FROM BEHIND A TREE to ask me if I’m 18 and single. He kept talking to me and wouldn’t let me leave for about ten minutes, and I was looking over my shoulder the whole way home.

4. My junior year of high school, walking home from my boyfriend’s house after dark (around 8:30): again, a man pulls up and says, “Would you like a ride? I think it’s going to rain soon.” I told him, “No thanks, I’m almost home.” “Are you sure? I don’t mind…” “No, it’s okay.” He drove off. I kept walking. AGAIN, several minutes later he comes back from the SAME direction (meaning he had circled around on a side street in order to talk to me again) and pulled up and said, “I thought you were almost home. So how ’bout that ride?”

5. I have been pulled aside at work SEVERAL times by women telling me that a man is watching me from behind a rack, or following me around.

6. When working at the fitting room at Walmart I had a guy come up to me no less than 4 or 5 times in one hour, pestering me to add him on facebook, give him my number, go out with him, ect. There was a woman whose daughter was trying a lot of things on (and who was therefore present each time he came back) who asked if I’d like her to stay there and walk me out to my car that night. The last time the guy came back to ask me one last time (and get one last no), he told me as he walked away, “That’s okay. I know where to find you when you change your mind.” Not IF I change it. WHEN I change it. As if it’s inevitable. I got security to follow him around the rest of the time he was in the store. The same guy used to follow me around apparel whenever he came in after that (thankfully, I think he finally gave up or doesn’t remember me-I got pretty good at avoiding him).

7. At a concert with a friend of mine, I was wearing shorts because it was an all-day, outdoor concert in mid-July. I got fingered (in both holes) several times by random men in the crowd. I don’t even know who did it because it was so crowded. I got hands up my pants everywhere I went, it didn’t matter if I moved somewhere else. I have never worn shorts/skirts to a concert since, regardless of heat.

8. My freshmen year of college I had a class that went from 7:00pm-9:45pm. The class usually walked out as a group because we all parked in the same lot. On this night, however, I had forgotten my laptop and had to double back to get it before the doors were locked. By the time I got back out to the parking lot, everyone was gone-except for about 15 huge basketball players that were all being rowdy and drunk on someone’s tailgate. They had been loud and laughing before they saw me. As I came into view, they got dead silent, just staring me down all the way to my car. I knew I’d never be able to outrun them or fight them off and there was no one to hear me scream. They didn’t do anything but stare. But it was the longest 100 feet I have ever walked in my life.

9. I’ve had people slap my ass or pinch my nipples while out in public, buying groceries or just walking down the street. They always hurry off before I can even process what happened.

10. (My favorite): Back when I had red hair, I used to get random guys come up to me to ask “Hey sexy, does the carpet match the drapes?” I mean, seriously??? Are you REALLY asking me what color my pubes are??? REALLY?!?!?

11. When I was working at the jewelry counter in Walmart, I had a guy come over and ask me if I’d marry him if he bought me a certain ring in the case. I told him (politely-he said it flirtatiously, not harassingly)no, I was already engaged (even showed him the ring). He kept at it for over ten minutes, trying to get me to go out with him, telling me how pretty I was, insinuating that my fiance was probably a loser anyway, and why won’t I give him a shot?

12. I’ve had random men ask me if I’m pregnant if they’re within earshot when I say I’m tired or don’t feel good (as if that’s the only plausible explanation for a woman not feeling good).

13. I’ve been honked, whistled, and shouted at more times than I could possible count from men in gas stations, grocery stores, or driving by on the road.

14. On my graduation night (high school), I had to go to the CVS pharmacy down the street to get a prescription for my fiance’s mother who had cancer. In line, I got into a friendly conversation with the man behind me, who was probably in his mid-fifties. After checking out, I got into my car. At a red light, the man pulled up next to me and signaled at me to roll my window down. Thinking I must have forgotten something at the counter, I obliged, only to have him start hitting on me now that we were out of earshot of the cashier on a deserted road at 10 o’clock at night. The light turned green before I could respond and I gratefully turned left. A minute later, however, I saw the guy’s car following behind me. I sped up-so did he. I turned-so did he. When I finally thought I had lost him, I sped home as fast as I could. As soon as I pulled into the driveway, he pulled up on the street. He eyed me for a minute and drove away. Watching from the window when I entered the house, I saw his car drive by again about 6 times within the hour.

IT IS NOT FLATTERING. IT IS NOT OKAY.

When men do this type of thing to women, or yell crude comments about their breasts or ass or legs or thighs, it is not a compliment in our eyes. YOUR INTENTION IS IRRELEVANT. The woman you are “conversing” with does not know what your intentions are. But I can guaran-goddamn-tee you that she knows what they MIGHT be. And THAT is what matters.

I have been groped, touched, insulted, intimidated, followed, and propositioned more times than I can count, in more places than I can name. I have been harassed in broad daylight and at night. It’s happened in busy stores and on deserted streets. It’s happened when I’ve looked my best, hair straightened and form-fitting clothes, and when I’ve looked my worst, hair a mess, in jeans and a baggy sweater with no make-up. It happens so often that I sometimes get upset even when someone is trying to pay me a genuine compliment. A LOT of men do these things, thinking that they are flattering a woman, when in reality, you are probably just scaring her or pissing her off. If you want to flatter a girl, smile, tell her she’s beautiful (NOTE: not “nice tits!” “Wanna fuck?” or “DAMN, girl!”) and move on.

I've got your back!
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“Street Harassment is No Compliment” in YCteen

 

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Margaret Heftler’s article “Street Harassment is No Compliment” in YCTeen talks about her experiences of street harassment as a teenager in NYC.

Heftler writes,

“We need to talk about it in our every day conversations with one another so public awareness will grow. We can create a public conversation about it and demand change. So, girls, if you have been harassed, even if it’s just a catcall that made you uncomfortable, talk about your experiences with your family and friends”

Check out her amazing article here

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demonstration, Story

Amanda’s Story: “Guess he didn’t think I could hear him”

Some d-bag walked by me (I had headphones on) and he said “I wanna eat your p*ssy”. Guess he didn’t think I could hear him but don’t worry, I did. And I. Lit. Him. Up. I shouted a large array of expletives at the guy, flipped him off, generally tried to cause him to suffer incredible embarrassment. It pisses me off when people tell me I shouldn’t have said anything and that I compromised my safety (even though it was noon on a Tuesday). My safety was already compromised by the fact that a loser piece of sh*t thought he could TRY to intimidate me. I don’t think so, bub.

I've got your back!
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Story

Cat’s Story: No day at the beach

Every year my college has an event where students go to the beach and build elaborate sand sculptures. I have macromastia so unfortunately I get a lot of unwanted attention whenever I wear a bathing suit. There were a few very uncomfortable instances.

1) While my team and I were building our sandcastle a guy came up and started snapping pictures with a cellphone camera. At that point I had been working on a minor detail and was away from the main piece. He kept pointing his camera in my direction so I used the sand mound I had built to hide my chest. He finally gives up and leaves.

2) There was another creepy photographer who was also trying to take photos of me when I was trying to fly a kite and enjoy the ocean. I turned away from him (hopefully in time). I’ve seen albums and photos on flickr and reddit where people have snapped photos of other people and included them in their “personal collection.” I’m scared that someone did take a photo of me.

3) When I had gotten out of the water numerous men and women openly stared at my breasts and made me feel very uncomfortable.

4) One woman said “I don’t envy you.” I suppose this comment was made in regards to my breasts, but I don’t even know. I hadn’t gestured to her or made any sort of indication that I thought she envied me. I wasn’t being show off-y or anything. Even if I was, what gives her the right to comment on my body?

TL;DR: My day at the beach was ruined because people are creepy assholes and believe that they are entitled to take photos of or make rude comments about people’s bodies.

I've got your back!
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A Week in Our Shoes

A Week In Our Shoes: Rockin’ Zines Worldwide

Dear Hollas– Lindsey

This week we said farewell to our incredible Research and Development Intern, Lindsey! Thank you Lindsey for your months of amazing work, dedication, and blazin’ hot spirit! YOU ROCK!!

Hollaback! co-sponsored NOW-NYC’s Mayoral Forum on women and girls which took place on Tuesday at Pace University. On Thursday, we attended the New York Women’s Foundation Breakfast.

PRESS!
Our Program Associate, Jae Cameron wrote a kickass Op-ed in the Huffington Post on how, “Street Harassment is an LGBTQIA Issue.”  Check it out! We also got some sweet shout outs this week in The Times News and Whitehot Magazine.

AND here’s what hollas around the world are up to:

Site Leaders, Eglantine and Aurore are hosting a workshop on Hollaback! and street harassment at the Queer, feminist and social media praxis workshop/conference this month in Brighton. BUT they need your help! Travelling ain’t free unfortunately, so the hollas set up a GoFundMe campaign! Please spread the word and help them get to Brighton!!

Hollaback! Chemnitz had their launch party last week! At the party, guests released their self-published zines and celebrated the beginning of Hollaback! Chemnitz. Check out the lovely photos of the event!

Hollaback! Appalachian got some press in Athens Ohio Today about the launch of their new site!

Hollaback! Bosnia-Herzegovina set up a booth at their local fair and got LOTS of visitors! Check out the coverage of the event including some great pictures of the hollas in action!

Hollaback! Croatia brings you Hollaback! themed materials inspired by their recent contest! Check these out!

Hollaback! Berlin announces the Cats Against Cat Calling Compilation release party on May 31st!! Berlin hollas partnered with Riot Grrrl Berlin to put together this amazing project. The site will also be on the radio this upcoming Sunday. Listen to them here.

Hollaback! Chandigarh supports the city of Chandigarh in its first ever LGBTQ Pride March! Watch this BEAUTIFUL video of the march and celebration!

Hollaback! Istanbul is revving their engines for the upcoming “We Chalk Walk” campaign! Hollas London Birthday held a general meeting this week to talk about events and Hollaback-related plans! Stay tuned!

Hollaback! London is turning three years old! The site celebrated three years of fighting street harassment in conjunction with the launch of their publication, Langdon Olgar II! The big birthday bash/launch ceremony was complete with awesome music and delicious food. HAPPY BIRTHDAY HOLLAS!!

Hollaback! West Yorkshire is excited to announce that they are now accepting submissions for their very first zine on street harassment. Send stories, poems, drawings, pictures, etc. to wy@ihollaback.org with `zine submission’ in the header. The site is also preparing for their street harassment workshop in Bradford on June 1st!

Hollaback! Baltimore blogger Rebecca sheds light on how we have made significant progress in normalizing gay marriage, but very little progress normalizing abortion. Definitely a must read.

Hollaback! Boston interviewed Holly of the Holly Dolly blog for this week’s edition of the “Introducing” series. Site leader Britni hollas back at a possibly sexist marketing scheme by Coca Cola.

Beautiful week everyone! Keep up the inspiring work!

Holla and out

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A Week in Our Shoes

LR’s Story: Creepy Whale Impressionist

My friend was walking home from the bus stop and a man in a car made whale noises at her.

I've got your back!
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Story

Isabel’s Story: That’s No Delivery Man

Once when I was 12 years old I was walking home from a piano lesson. I could hear a man yelling angrily behind me and no one was responding, but being so young and in a public space, I assumed I was being paranoid and that he was yelling at someone on the phone. This is especially in light of the fact that it was winter and I was short and wearing thick winter clothes. Either way, I was definitely creeped out, so I crossed the street and took a different route home. As I was approaching my block, I could hear increasingly aggressive yelling coming from down my street, in the same direction from which I had been coming. I panicked and prayed that it wasn’t some maniac with a gun, and ran inside my house. Shortly afterwards, the doorbell rang, and since it was dark out I couldn’t see through the peephole. I was home alone and I thought maybe my mom had forgotten her keys, and opened the door. A tall man with a nondescript plastic bag was standing there (it didn’t even look like anything was in the bag), and he said “Uh I have a delivery for this address.” I told him “we” hadn’t ordered anything, and he said “but I have your address here” and clearly didn’t have any address written down and was not dressed like a delivery man, nor did he have a bicycle or vehicle. I quickly apologized and closed the door on him, and locked it, but I could see that he was still standing on my porch for a while. I grabbed a knife and went back to my room, but fortunately my mom came home and nothing happened. I was very much shaken by the experience, especially when I saw they arrested the man in the local newspaper for stalking and raping/groping young women.

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Uncategorized

It’s National GIVE OUT Day!

Give OUT Day is a new national initiative that will engage hundreds of organizations and mobilize thousands of people on a single day across the country to give in support of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender & queer community. It is a chance for LGBTQ groups large and small, to work across the wide range of issues and activities that matter to the LGBTQ community from sports to policy change, families to the arts. It is a chance for members of the LGBTQ community and our many allies to stand up and show our support for our community together on one day. It is a chance to make history, we hope you’ll join us in making streets safer for LGBTQ individuals by donating here:

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Story

Elizabeth’s Story: Proud to Be Myself

I was walking out of Starbucks and two college-age looking guys yelled “faggot” at me. I am a transgender woman and I have no problem with people noticing that I am a transgender woman. I am very offended when people call me things that I am not. I was so angry that I threw my coffee to the ground and just got in my car and left.

I've got your back!
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USC Student’s “Cat Calling” Video

Check out “Cat Calling”, a powerful video created by students from the University of Southern California.

USC: Take Back the Night – “Cat Calling” from Hunter Elijah Bryce on Vimeo.

USC students created “Cat Calling” as part of a Take Back the Week initiative to raise awareness and to protest against sexual violence.
The “Cat Calling” video is a collection of interviews on student experiences of harassment or cat calling on the streets. Their objective is to explore the effects that cat-calling has and to advocate that this form of harassment is not flattering or empowering.

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