Elanor: “I felt dirtied and cheap”

I am a foreign student at an American university. One night, I went with friends to a fraternity lodge for a party. I was expecting to have fun, to dance, maybe even have a little drink from one of the red cups which are so prevalent in American college movies. What happened was rather different. First, let me be clear- we do not grind where I am from, we dance. Close together, yes, but the participants face each other. In grinding, if a man and a woman are dancing, the man is *behind* the woman, so that they are positioned his front to her back.

I started dancing with my friends in an area where there was slightly more space, but a guy came up behind me, grabbed me really hard at my waist, still from behind, and started grinding himself into my tailbone. His hands were pressing me against him so hard that I couldn’t get out- I’m short and his arms were stopping my arms from giving him a good elbowing. Then he put his hand on my breast, and I tried to swat him away. It worked.  He moved his hand down to my skirt and under it.  I was wearing tights, but still- nothing should be under my skirt if i don’t want it to be there!  This time when I swatted him away he didn’t budge. Finally, he let me go after about 20 minutes of groping; I never even saw his face. My American (girl) friend thought I was being prudish.  I went home and cried. I felt dirtied and cheap.

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5 Responses

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  1. Lauren says:

    I just want to say that this was not your fault in anyway. He sounds like an entitled arsehole, and your ‘friend’ shouldn’t have made you feel to blame at all.

  2. Haley says:

    Oh please please please, don’t feel like this. He did it expressly without your consent and when you made it clear that you wanted him to go away. I had a similar experience in a bar a couple of years ago, and when I got home the next morning, I cried so hard that my father was terrified that I had been raped. My friends also didn’t think I should be so upset, because it was just what people do when they have a drink and are out, and they knew the guy as a friend. Don’t let him make you feel cheap and dirty, because you’re not.

  3. Maria says:

    While I do dance like that at clubs, what he did was beyond inappropriate. You shouldn’t feel dirtied and cheap when you’re out to party. My condolences.

  4. Marie says:

    Your friend should not have said that to you. It is your every right to have preferences in all aspects of your life and being “prude” (which not wanting to be groped is not) should not be something that you are demeaned for. I wish girls wouldn’t have to put up to such comments (especially from other girls. We need to unite)

  5. Jaz says:

    I am so sorry for you! I have had this happen to me and you feel so small and worthless! I am furious with your friend for her insensitivity and I cannot even begin to express my rage for that asshole!
    Stay strong sweetheart! :)

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