No, sir. Excuse ME.

I was on a first date. We went to a hip Asian fusion
restaurant. After lots of conversation and stuffing
ourselves with yummy spicy food, we went to leave. I
saw a man behind us chatting on his cell phone,
presumably stepping outside so as not to bother his
companions with his personal conversation, but I was
wrong. Just as The Date and I opened to door to leave,
the man asked the person he was on the phone with to
hold on and said “Excuse me” to get our attention. We
turned around and the conversation went a little
something like this:

Man: Hi. Are you all with each other?
Me: Um, what do you mean?
Man: Like, are you all…together?
Me: Do you mean together with a capital T?
Man: Yes.
Me: Well…we are on a date. Why do you ask?
Man: Oh. Well, I was going to ask if I could stare at
your breasts. [FOLKS, I AM NOT FUCKING KIDDING HERE.
THIS IS VERBATIM FROM DUDE'S MOUTH.]
Me: [covering my cleavage with my hands] Well, you
wouldn’t have been able to anyway.

Dude literally chased me out of the restaurant to ask
if we were together. And then proceeded to admit that
he wanted to ogle my tits! Mister Man felt the need to
inform me that he had plans to eye my rack.

Well, sir, I have something to say to you:

Tara Ellison
Washington D.C.

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